(Disclaimer: This post may step on somebody's toes. Sorry in advance. Not intentionally trying to toe step, but I feel this needs to be said.)
I was conversing today with a friend via twitter. We were talking about idolatry. And I have come to a conclusion. It is my belief that a majority of American Christians have a least one unrealized idols in their lives.
Now an idol can be anything that we put before, or love more than, God. For me, it's been coffee or RPGs or text messaging or Facebook or any number of other things. God is gracious and refining me at this point in my life. I am sure before it is said and done, He will reveal many more.
Now idols don't have to be bad things. They are bad things because they take undue importance in our lives. One such idol I believe plagues many American Christians is Patriotism. Yes...sometimes we love our country more than we love God.
How can this be so? When someone does something you feel is anti-American, how do you react? I mean even if it's as simple as believing in gun-control to something as radical as Islamic radicals wanting to destroy our country. How do you react? If it isn't in a loving, non-negative manner...you are guilty of idolatry.
I will elaborate. God says throughout several Scriptures (and for brevity's sake I am not listing them at this point) that if you love Him, you will obey His commands. Right? And throughout the New Testament, we urged to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-45), use our tongues for good and not for evil (James 3:3-11 among others), and various other commands demanding our respect and love for others.
If we choose to curse men, to hate them, to wish them ill-will, then we are not acting in accordance with Scripture. If the reason we do these things is because they either disagree with us politically, or even are set on destroying our country, we are saying we love our country more than our Lord.
I have been bothered by this for sometime, and have just been unable to articulate it. I could perhaps go on, but time restrains me. I would be most interested in hearing your thoughts.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, July 09, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Phil. 2:3
Isn’t it funny how God can use things you encounter in life to teach you about yourself? Every now and again, He uses something I see, hear, or read to give me an “ah-ha” kind of moment. Well, He struck again.
Last night I tweeted about seeing two individuals looking as if they were about to start duking it out at any moment. Though no punches were thrown, there was lots of verbal sparring. I remember silent praying, “Please don’t let one of them be the person I’m delivering to.” And when no one answered the door to the apartment I was bringing pizza to, I was definitely afraid one was.
That being said, I had to stand there and listen to one of the individuals belittle and berate the other one. Now, I didn’t see the incident that kicked off the whole thing. By what I overheard I ascertained one of the guys kicked at the other guy’s dog. Who knows what may have brought that about? But the dog owner’s reaction was, in my opinion, overblown.
Here’s what got me. The dog’s owner, whom we will from now on refer to as “white collar guy” belittled and berated the individual whom we will refer to as “blue collar guy”. (These tags will become clear momentarily.) I mean, white collar guy was rude! He called blue collar guy a multitude of names, a number of which I will not repeat. But among them were names issued contemptuously, like “blue collar” and “redneck”.
During this conversation, the white collar guy insulted blue collar’s intelligence, his income, and his home stability. I never really heard what blue collar was saying, because white collar kept shouting him down. Or maybe he was trying to maintain some modicum of decorum. I don’t know.
And I remember thinking that one should never treat another human being that way. No one should ever talk to another person the way white collar was talking to blue collar. It made me sad, partially because I’m a little “white collar” myself, and I felt bad that this guy was misrepresenting.
Here’s where God showed up and tweaked my nose. You see, I tell myself that I would never talk to anybody in such a manner. But God revealed to me that, sometimes, white collar guy resides in my head.
We all have our prejudices. None of them are really okay. Not for a believer anyway. And I have to confess that there is a part of me that looks down on the rednecks of the world. Not because I am better (and I certainly don’t make more money) but because I think differently than they do.
So yeah, though I like to believe I don’t use choice words in my head in reference to others, I have been known to mutter “idiot” or “moron” to myself, or via inner dialogue about people who don’t see things exactly the way I do. And I got to see, first hand, how ugly that really looks.
Let this be an apology as well as a confession. I am deeply sorry. Sorry for considering myself better than anyone for any reason. Sorry that I would be condescending, even if it’s only in my thoughts. Philippians 2:3 says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” I need to work on that. Forgive me while He develops this in me?
Last night I tweeted about seeing two individuals looking as if they were about to start duking it out at any moment. Though no punches were thrown, there was lots of verbal sparring. I remember silent praying, “Please don’t let one of them be the person I’m delivering to.” And when no one answered the door to the apartment I was bringing pizza to, I was definitely afraid one was.
That being said, I had to stand there and listen to one of the individuals belittle and berate the other one. Now, I didn’t see the incident that kicked off the whole thing. By what I overheard I ascertained one of the guys kicked at the other guy’s dog. Who knows what may have brought that about? But the dog owner’s reaction was, in my opinion, overblown.
Here’s what got me. The dog’s owner, whom we will from now on refer to as “white collar guy” belittled and berated the individual whom we will refer to as “blue collar guy”. (These tags will become clear momentarily.) I mean, white collar guy was rude! He called blue collar guy a multitude of names, a number of which I will not repeat. But among them were names issued contemptuously, like “blue collar” and “redneck”.
During this conversation, the white collar guy insulted blue collar’s intelligence, his income, and his home stability. I never really heard what blue collar was saying, because white collar kept shouting him down. Or maybe he was trying to maintain some modicum of decorum. I don’t know.
And I remember thinking that one should never treat another human being that way. No one should ever talk to another person the way white collar was talking to blue collar. It made me sad, partially because I’m a little “white collar” myself, and I felt bad that this guy was misrepresenting.
Here’s where God showed up and tweaked my nose. You see, I tell myself that I would never talk to anybody in such a manner. But God revealed to me that, sometimes, white collar guy resides in my head.
We all have our prejudices. None of them are really okay. Not for a believer anyway. And I have to confess that there is a part of me that looks down on the rednecks of the world. Not because I am better (and I certainly don’t make more money) but because I think differently than they do.
So yeah, though I like to believe I don’t use choice words in my head in reference to others, I have been known to mutter “idiot” or “moron” to myself, or via inner dialogue about people who don’t see things exactly the way I do. And I got to see, first hand, how ugly that really looks.
Let this be an apology as well as a confession. I am deeply sorry. Sorry for considering myself better than anyone for any reason. Sorry that I would be condescending, even if it’s only in my thoughts. Philippians 2:3 says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” I need to work on that. Forgive me while He develops this in me?
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thoughts On Open Carry
So about this whole "Open Carry" thing here in Texas. I find myself strangely ambivalent. Which is odd coming from such a hard core liberal as myself. (Just kidding. I am neither hard core nor completely liberal when it comes to politics.) I am, however, a strange juxtaposition of gun control and gun rights. Which, I suppose, explains the ambivalence.
Let me explain. First of all, I think because the Constitution says we have the right to bear arms, we have...the right bear arms. But I think where I disagree with some gun right proponents is what constitutes as an arm we have the right to bear. Confused yet? I'll expound.
The word arm, in context to our conversation and as defined by just about any dictionary, means weapon. Now a weapon can be anything from a gun to a knife, a pistol to a missile. And though you may disagree with me, I hardly think that our forefathers had nukes in mind when they wrote the 2nd Amendment. I also don't think they believed we would never advance in weaponry beyond what was available in the 17th century.
So the first question I can think of when it comes to this topic is: Where do we draw the line at what is a reasonable weapon for a common citizen to have readily available? Though I am sure Uzis are extremely cool, I don't think it's a necessary addition to Joe Blow's already extensive collection.
Second of all, let's discuss what a right really is. Again, the dictionary defines it as something due to a person or governmental body by law, tradition, or by nature. But I would ask this: Is everyone really due the ability to own a weapon?
For example, let's say we have a paranoid schizophrenic. Now, when said individual takes his prescribed medication, said individual is possibly a productive member of society. But would you really want to put a gun in the hands of such an individual during a paranoid episode? I wouldn't.
By and large, I say we should keep guns out of the hands of dangerous people. You know, like murderers, mobsters, and morons. But that's just me. Seriously, we have to admit that there are some citizens of our nation who would be better off without access, and we, too, would be better off without them having access.
Now, this of course begs the question: Who decides who has the right? And this is a fair question. One that cannot be easily answered. Someone will always somehow feel slighted.
But now...open carry...still not generally opposed to it. And here's why. You have to be licensed to carry. That means that someone, somewhere, developed a testing program that qualifies people to be responsible gun owners/carriers. Also, since we already have concealed handgun licenses at this point anyway, what's the difference between carrying where we can see, and carrying when we can't. Their still carrying!
And that, I'm afraid, is my two cents.
Let me explain. First of all, I think because the Constitution says we have the right to bear arms, we have...the right bear arms. But I think where I disagree with some gun right proponents is what constitutes as an arm we have the right to bear. Confused yet? I'll expound.
The word arm, in context to our conversation and as defined by just about any dictionary, means weapon. Now a weapon can be anything from a gun to a knife, a pistol to a missile. And though you may disagree with me, I hardly think that our forefathers had nukes in mind when they wrote the 2nd Amendment. I also don't think they believed we would never advance in weaponry beyond what was available in the 17th century.
So the first question I can think of when it comes to this topic is: Where do we draw the line at what is a reasonable weapon for a common citizen to have readily available? Though I am sure Uzis are extremely cool, I don't think it's a necessary addition to Joe Blow's already extensive collection.
Second of all, let's discuss what a right really is. Again, the dictionary defines it as something due to a person or governmental body by law, tradition, or by nature. But I would ask this: Is everyone really due the ability to own a weapon?
For example, let's say we have a paranoid schizophrenic. Now, when said individual takes his prescribed medication, said individual is possibly a productive member of society. But would you really want to put a gun in the hands of such an individual during a paranoid episode? I wouldn't.
By and large, I say we should keep guns out of the hands of dangerous people. You know, like murderers, mobsters, and morons. But that's just me. Seriously, we have to admit that there are some citizens of our nation who would be better off without access, and we, too, would be better off without them having access.
Now, this of course begs the question: Who decides who has the right? And this is a fair question. One that cannot be easily answered. Someone will always somehow feel slighted.
But now...open carry...still not generally opposed to it. And here's why. You have to be licensed to carry. That means that someone, somewhere, developed a testing program that qualifies people to be responsible gun owners/carriers. Also, since we already have concealed handgun licenses at this point anyway, what's the difference between carrying where we can see, and carrying when we can't. Their still carrying!
And that, I'm afraid, is my two cents.
Friday, February 05, 2010
New Year, No Debt, But Same Old Problems
Well it has definitely been a long time since I deemed it necessary to blog. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a whole lot of worth to say. Today's really no different, but whether it is of worth or not, I shall spew forth verbiage.
So the income tax return is in. Which means we get to pay off our credit card and medical bill debt. Definitely a good thing. The down side to that is that we will not have much left over for savings or for play. But at least we are starting out the New Year with a clean slate. If only we can keep it that way.
See, here's the deal. Sarah is no longer babysitting for my co-worker as of this month, which is a loss in income of about $400. The debt paid off amounts to a monthly payment of around $100 to $150. So, still a bit of a shortage there.
Why did she quit? Well...see the whole reason Sarah stays home in the first place is to be there for our home, and our family. When she was sitting, it seemed like she had to push back giving our kids the attention they craved for the little one she was watching. This is not what we had in mind.
You know, I realize that a family has to make sacrifices in order to make ends meet sometimes. But I am not willing to sacrifice my children, their security, and well-being, for a few extra dollars per month.
But! Again, we are free of debt. The only "frivolous" expense we have are the cell phones, and that is our only line of communication. We have no cable, no internet. We need to crack down on the "bubble gum" expenses. Other than that, we try very hard to live within our means.
We do have a house payment. But it's like $750 a month. Even if we weren't buying a house, we'd be paying around that much for rent anyway.
So why am I writing? I don't know. Getting it off my chest. Trying to write to exercise those muscle. You know...same old same old.
The truth is...I am a little nervous. But God is working on me...and I know that He provides. He has never failed us. We have never gone without. It will be interesting to see if we can do this without trusting in credit, but solely trusting in Him.
And I think that's why I am writing. For those of you who pray, pray with me, pray for me. Pray that I will trust God and allow Him to do amazing things. Pray that He brings opportunities our way, that He will make this a fruitful year for my job. (There are other reasons to pray this, but that is the subject of another post.)
Will you pray with us, for us? I hope you do! And I will try to be diligent in posting praise.
So the income tax return is in. Which means we get to pay off our credit card and medical bill debt. Definitely a good thing. The down side to that is that we will not have much left over for savings or for play. But at least we are starting out the New Year with a clean slate. If only we can keep it that way.
See, here's the deal. Sarah is no longer babysitting for my co-worker as of this month, which is a loss in income of about $400. The debt paid off amounts to a monthly payment of around $100 to $150. So, still a bit of a shortage there.
Why did she quit? Well...see the whole reason Sarah stays home in the first place is to be there for our home, and our family. When she was sitting, it seemed like she had to push back giving our kids the attention they craved for the little one she was watching. This is not what we had in mind.
You know, I realize that a family has to make sacrifices in order to make ends meet sometimes. But I am not willing to sacrifice my children, their security, and well-being, for a few extra dollars per month.
But! Again, we are free of debt. The only "frivolous" expense we have are the cell phones, and that is our only line of communication. We have no cable, no internet. We need to crack down on the "bubble gum" expenses. Other than that, we try very hard to live within our means.
We do have a house payment. But it's like $750 a month. Even if we weren't buying a house, we'd be paying around that much for rent anyway.
So why am I writing? I don't know. Getting it off my chest. Trying to write to exercise those muscle. You know...same old same old.
The truth is...I am a little nervous. But God is working on me...and I know that He provides. He has never failed us. We have never gone without. It will be interesting to see if we can do this without trusting in credit, but solely trusting in Him.
And I think that's why I am writing. For those of you who pray, pray with me, pray for me. Pray that I will trust God and allow Him to do amazing things. Pray that He brings opportunities our way, that He will make this a fruitful year for my job. (There are other reasons to pray this, but that is the subject of another post.)
Will you pray with us, for us? I hope you do! And I will try to be diligent in posting praise.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Why I Am Voting Obama
Okay. So, for those of you who have been wondering about my recent status change...here is the blog that tells it all. Well, not all, but definitely a run-down. I would love any feed back you may have to offer.
Why I am Voting Obama
For quite some time I have struggled with matching up my theology and my political ideologies. And while I cannot say that the turmoil is completely ended, I can, however, admit to making some headway. Allow me, if you will, to elaborate.
I am a self-professed Christian, a follower of Christ, a disciple, if you will. Not that I am perfect in my pursuit of holiness and Christ-likeness, but the desire to be so is there. And part of this journey, this path I trod, is to vote how Jesus would want me to vote.
For a time, I lived in ignorance. And while it was not exactly bliss, at least I was not burdened with a need to know. Things have changed in the last couple of years.
I had been, not unlike some fellow evangelicals I have met, a one or two issue voter. By that I mean if the candidate were against one of two very important issues, I would, by default, never consider voting for them.
Pro-choice? No thank you! Legitimatize homosexual unions! Are you crazy? And so it would go. If a candidate embraced either of these two things, then it was my belief that no matter what else they stood for, I had to vote against them.
In fact, the first time I ever voted was in '04. I voted against Kerry. Now keep in mind that I am not saying that I voted for Bush, when this is, in truth, what I did. But, at the time, I was just voting for the current President to keep Kerry out of office.
Did I know much about Kerry? Nope. All I needed to know, I was told, was that he was for abortion and supported the gay agenda. By default, it was my Christian duty to vote against him. And so, as I said, I did.
But it bothered me. It bothered me a great deal. It was not because I disliked Bush. I did not, and I do not. It is because I voted in ignorance. I did not really either know or understand the issues at hand. I am not saying I understand them much more now.
I resolved that the next time I voted, it would be an educated vote, or I would not cast a ballot at all. I began to do research on candidates and issues. I looked at them from an open-minded perspective instead of from the mindset that if, say, the Democratic Party supported something, it must, therefore be bad.
The truth is, I began to see that I disagreed with a lot of the things the Republican Party stands for. I came to see that I disagreed with a little that the Democratic Party stood for. I began to say things such as: "I really respect his ideas, but because of his stance on such and such, I cannot abide to vote for him." I even took one of those ridiculous online match-up games where you picked where you stood on certain issues, and you got to see who lined up with you the most. And guess what. I lined up with Obama.
I have to admit, at the time, I laughed at myself. I resolved to investigate those issues a little more, because I did not really understand them. I mean, surely if I were lining up with left-wing Obama, I had to have misunderstood.
I began to read speeches instead of listening to sound bytes. When Obama gave his speech on racism, I was moved to tears. I told myself I still could not vote for him, but boy, I wish someone who I could vote for would pick up the torch.
I remained unconvinced for quite some time until I read Obama's acceptance speech for the Democratic Presidential nomination. He said something in the midst of his speech that clearly spoke to me. He said something to the effect that we may not agree abortion, but surely we could agree that we needed to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies. I agreed. He said, essentially, we may not agree on homosexual marriage, but surely we could agree that long-time partners should have the right to visit one another in a hospital where only family members were allowed. And I could not disagree with that either.
There is more to this all than that. I began to see that, by and large, the Republican Party does little to help the poor and downtrodden in our country. Their mindset is "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, lads!"
Before I ever read Obama's speeches, I found this to be true. I see glaringly a need to revise our healthcare system. I cannot help but notice that the poor and lower class struggle constantly financially. I have even been on the receiving end of a system not quite willing to help those who are even trying to help themselves.
I looked in Scripture for answers. Over and over again, Scripture commands and implores us to take care of the needy, the poor. It tells us to help the aliens, the widows, and the orphans. James even tells us that true religion consists in part in taking care of this lot.
So I became very conflicted. All of my Christian churchgoing life, I have been told that the Republicans, the Conservatives are the true Christians in our nation. So why were they neglecting the poor and needy? Why did my politics have to eschew one form of justice for another?
These and other questions I began to ask myself. At first, I just wished that there were a candidate who would embrace both sides of that coin. There is not. So what was I to do?
I had a discussion with a friend of mine who said we could not just look at these issues. We had to look at the whole shebang. And so…I have tried to do so.
The War in Iraq.
I was against it from the start. I was not comfortable with it even for the reasons that we were given, and when those reasons did not play out? Did we ever find WMD? But we derailed that country by our invasion. And so, we have spent the last few years fixing what we broke.
Alternate Energy.
Oil is not a renewable resource. Even without all of the politics involved…we will eventually run out. Would it not be more responsible to work on it while there is time? Do not our children deserve that courtesy?
Global Warming.
I do not necessarily agree that it is happening. I do, however, think that being good stewards of the planet God entrusted to us is not a bad thing.
Are there other issues? I am sure there are. The economy and all that this entails. Again, I am for the poor, so you should know by that where I stand.
Ladies and gentleman of the jury of my peers, I stand before you, convicted. I am voting for Obama. I am not leaning, nor am I pandering. If I can register to vote on time…I will cast my lot with him, for better or worse.
Why I am Voting Obama
For quite some time I have struggled with matching up my theology and my political ideologies. And while I cannot say that the turmoil is completely ended, I can, however, admit to making some headway. Allow me, if you will, to elaborate.
I am a self-professed Christian, a follower of Christ, a disciple, if you will. Not that I am perfect in my pursuit of holiness and Christ-likeness, but the desire to be so is there. And part of this journey, this path I trod, is to vote how Jesus would want me to vote.
For a time, I lived in ignorance. And while it was not exactly bliss, at least I was not burdened with a need to know. Things have changed in the last couple of years.
I had been, not unlike some fellow evangelicals I have met, a one or two issue voter. By that I mean if the candidate were against one of two very important issues, I would, by default, never consider voting for them.
Pro-choice? No thank you! Legitimatize homosexual unions! Are you crazy? And so it would go. If a candidate embraced either of these two things, then it was my belief that no matter what else they stood for, I had to vote against them.
In fact, the first time I ever voted was in '04. I voted against Kerry. Now keep in mind that I am not saying that I voted for Bush, when this is, in truth, what I did. But, at the time, I was just voting for the current President to keep Kerry out of office.
Did I know much about Kerry? Nope. All I needed to know, I was told, was that he was for abortion and supported the gay agenda. By default, it was my Christian duty to vote against him. And so, as I said, I did.
But it bothered me. It bothered me a great deal. It was not because I disliked Bush. I did not, and I do not. It is because I voted in ignorance. I did not really either know or understand the issues at hand. I am not saying I understand them much more now.
I resolved that the next time I voted, it would be an educated vote, or I would not cast a ballot at all. I began to do research on candidates and issues. I looked at them from an open-minded perspective instead of from the mindset that if, say, the Democratic Party supported something, it must, therefore be bad.
The truth is, I began to see that I disagreed with a lot of the things the Republican Party stands for. I came to see that I disagreed with a little that the Democratic Party stood for. I began to say things such as: "I really respect his ideas, but because of his stance on such and such, I cannot abide to vote for him." I even took one of those ridiculous online match-up games where you picked where you stood on certain issues, and you got to see who lined up with you the most. And guess what. I lined up with Obama.
I have to admit, at the time, I laughed at myself. I resolved to investigate those issues a little more, because I did not really understand them. I mean, surely if I were lining up with left-wing Obama, I had to have misunderstood.
I began to read speeches instead of listening to sound bytes. When Obama gave his speech on racism, I was moved to tears. I told myself I still could not vote for him, but boy, I wish someone who I could vote for would pick up the torch.
I remained unconvinced for quite some time until I read Obama's acceptance speech for the Democratic Presidential nomination. He said something in the midst of his speech that clearly spoke to me. He said something to the effect that we may not agree abortion, but surely we could agree that we needed to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies. I agreed. He said, essentially, we may not agree on homosexual marriage, but surely we could agree that long-time partners should have the right to visit one another in a hospital where only family members were allowed. And I could not disagree with that either.
There is more to this all than that. I began to see that, by and large, the Republican Party does little to help the poor and downtrodden in our country. Their mindset is "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, lads!"
Before I ever read Obama's speeches, I found this to be true. I see glaringly a need to revise our healthcare system. I cannot help but notice that the poor and lower class struggle constantly financially. I have even been on the receiving end of a system not quite willing to help those who are even trying to help themselves.
I looked in Scripture for answers. Over and over again, Scripture commands and implores us to take care of the needy, the poor. It tells us to help the aliens, the widows, and the orphans. James even tells us that true religion consists in part in taking care of this lot.
So I became very conflicted. All of my Christian churchgoing life, I have been told that the Republicans, the Conservatives are the true Christians in our nation. So why were they neglecting the poor and needy? Why did my politics have to eschew one form of justice for another?
These and other questions I began to ask myself. At first, I just wished that there were a candidate who would embrace both sides of that coin. There is not. So what was I to do?
I had a discussion with a friend of mine who said we could not just look at these issues. We had to look at the whole shebang. And so…I have tried to do so.
The War in Iraq.
I was against it from the start. I was not comfortable with it even for the reasons that we were given, and when those reasons did not play out? Did we ever find WMD? But we derailed that country by our invasion. And so, we have spent the last few years fixing what we broke.
Alternate Energy.
Oil is not a renewable resource. Even without all of the politics involved…we will eventually run out. Would it not be more responsible to work on it while there is time? Do not our children deserve that courtesy?
Global Warming.
I do not necessarily agree that it is happening. I do, however, think that being good stewards of the planet God entrusted to us is not a bad thing.
Are there other issues? I am sure there are. The economy and all that this entails. Again, I am for the poor, so you should know by that where I stand.
Ladies and gentleman of the jury of my peers, I stand before you, convicted. I am voting for Obama. I am not leaning, nor am I pandering. If I can register to vote on time…I will cast my lot with him, for better or worse.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Another Year
Another year of my life has come and gone. I am now thirty-three. How do I feel?
I had to take some time to think about that.
I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, though I have been noticing my body doesn't work the way that it once did.
I still don't feel like a grown-up...even though it's probably way past time that I should.
I don't regret my life up to this point. Let me clarify this. I do regret some decisions I have made in the past. But I know that some of those decisions have put me where I am now, and I would never trade my wife and my precious two children for a different life.
Would I love to have been a famous actor by now? Sure...but not at the expense of my family. Would I love to have written a best-seller? Absolutely! But not by having never know the love of my wonderful spouse and the adoration of my kiddos.
Do I like working two jobs to provide for my family? Nope. Especially because it takes me away from those I love. Is it worth it? Without question.
And that's where I am at. Like it, love it, or hate it. For better or worse.
And that's all I have to say about that.
I had to take some time to think about that.
I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, though I have been noticing my body doesn't work the way that it once did.
I still don't feel like a grown-up...even though it's probably way past time that I should.
I don't regret my life up to this point. Let me clarify this. I do regret some decisions I have made in the past. But I know that some of those decisions have put me where I am now, and I would never trade my wife and my precious two children for a different life.
Would I love to have been a famous actor by now? Sure...but not at the expense of my family. Would I love to have written a best-seller? Absolutely! But not by having never know the love of my wonderful spouse and the adoration of my kiddos.
Do I like working two jobs to provide for my family? Nope. Especially because it takes me away from those I love. Is it worth it? Without question.
And that's where I am at. Like it, love it, or hate it. For better or worse.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Update 4 Those Who Care
So here is the skinny on my life at this moment.
Sarah and I joined a church in Paradise, TX. (Funny, ain't it.) Sarah is getting baptised on June 8th, and we are getting involved in a small group.
Work is going well, I suppose. I currently work two jobs, but hopefully, once biz picks up at the bank, I'll be back down to one. And that could happen soon as the other PB has moved to a different branch, so it's just lil' o me.
I'm planning on doing a YouTube vid as soon as I can find the time to record something. Still not sure what all I want to do with it, but I imagine I will do vids of my poetry reading, some bible studies, and who knows what else.
I've got some writing projects simmering on the back burners. Working two jobs just gives me another excuse not to write, but I need to get over that eventually.
I just read the Scarlet Pimpernel. Very good book. Cleverly written. I'd do a review, but since it's a pretty old book, you'd find a better review somewhere else.
Sarah and I have been watching old 80's flicks. Might give some reviews on those. So far, we've watched 16 Candles and Pretty in Pink. (Yes, Sarah chose both.) I'm thinking we just might have a John Hughes marathon. Who knows?
Jack is beginning potty training, and Bella will be going to Pre-K next year. Kids grow crazy fast, don't they?
At any rate, that's a brief overlook of life right now. More forthcoming...perhaps.
:)
Sarah and I joined a church in Paradise, TX. (Funny, ain't it.) Sarah is getting baptised on June 8th, and we are getting involved in a small group.
Work is going well, I suppose. I currently work two jobs, but hopefully, once biz picks up at the bank, I'll be back down to one. And that could happen soon as the other PB has moved to a different branch, so it's just lil' o me.
I'm planning on doing a YouTube vid as soon as I can find the time to record something. Still not sure what all I want to do with it, but I imagine I will do vids of my poetry reading, some bible studies, and who knows what else.
I've got some writing projects simmering on the back burners. Working two jobs just gives me another excuse not to write, but I need to get over that eventually.
I just read the Scarlet Pimpernel. Very good book. Cleverly written. I'd do a review, but since it's a pretty old book, you'd find a better review somewhere else.
Sarah and I have been watching old 80's flicks. Might give some reviews on those. So far, we've watched 16 Candles and Pretty in Pink. (Yes, Sarah chose both.) I'm thinking we just might have a John Hughes marathon. Who knows?
Jack is beginning potty training, and Bella will be going to Pre-K next year. Kids grow crazy fast, don't they?
At any rate, that's a brief overlook of life right now. More forthcoming...perhaps.
:)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Prayer Answered
You know, I guess it is good to read your own blog every once and again. I came across the post where I had started to go to the doctor again, and never said anything else about it. I guess I assumed either nobody is reading, which could still be true, or that anybody really interested in the goings on of me and my family would read Sarah's blog. But the fact remains, if I were just some random reader, I'd still be wondering if this poor guy ever found out what was wrong with him.
Well, I did. It turned out that I had a fairly large polyp in my colon. After going to the family doctor for a little while, he referred me to a GI doc. This is where I stopped last time, because the doctor didn't want to do the colonoscopy. This doctor, however said, "You want a colonoscopy? Okay." They scheduled it for the day after Christmas (which was good, still on 2007's insurance deductible.)
During the colonoscopy, the doc biopsied a piece of the polyp, and figured it would be no big deal. However, later on he was afraid that since it had lymphatic tissue in it, that it could have been lymphoma. They scheduled me for a full biopsy. They removed the polyp...no cancer.
So that's a praise. In the midst of my discouragement right now, here is a lifting up. A reminder that God can and does answer prayer. I've been pain-free (in my abdomen anyway) for going on three months now. In the Dr. House post, I had said I'd be content if I just knew what it was. But now I know, and it is gone!
And that's a good thing.
Well, I did. It turned out that I had a fairly large polyp in my colon. After going to the family doctor for a little while, he referred me to a GI doc. This is where I stopped last time, because the doctor didn't want to do the colonoscopy. This doctor, however said, "You want a colonoscopy? Okay." They scheduled it for the day after Christmas (which was good, still on 2007's insurance deductible.)
During the colonoscopy, the doc biopsied a piece of the polyp, and figured it would be no big deal. However, later on he was afraid that since it had lymphatic tissue in it, that it could have been lymphoma. They scheduled me for a full biopsy. They removed the polyp...no cancer.
So that's a praise. In the midst of my discouragement right now, here is a lifting up. A reminder that God can and does answer prayer. I've been pain-free (in my abdomen anyway) for going on three months now. In the Dr. House post, I had said I'd be content if I just knew what it was. But now I know, and it is gone!
And that's a good thing.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Monthly Update (heh)
Howdy gang! Josh here telling how things are going down over here in Campbell-Land.
First of all, I want to apologize for not being able to respond to comments all the time. Again, I can view the blogs and comments from work, but I cannot comment on them. And since our only access to the Net is at the library, obviously time constraints exist.
Anyway...with the church search.
We will be taking the membership class at Grace Fellowship this Sunday. They are very similar to LH in many different ways. We'll even have to sign a membership covenant if we decide to join. I met with their small group pastor yesterday during lunch, and I believe our family shares their vision. So...after this weekend, we may know for sure where we will be plugging in. Please continue to pray.
Family updates...
Jack is potty training. As a matter of fact, he went all day Tuesday in undies ('cept for nap time) with NO ACCIDENTS!!! We're excited for him. And I'm excited for us. Once we get him out of diapers...hey, you all know those things aren't cheap. Bella is involved in helping brother go potty. She gets all excited. It's pretty funny...you'd almost think Jack was a puppy the way she carries on. "Do you need to go potty? Do you? Come on, let's go potty!"
Speaking of Bella...she's growing up fast. And she's as funny as ever. She told us the other day that we were "wrecking her brain". I guess we were confusing her or something. But she's doing well. We have our typical four year old moments...and remember, this one is VERY strong willed, but we're making it. Every time she says she hates us and wants a different family, she comes back later and loves on us. Yes...yes...our sweet Bella sounds like a teenager. *sigh*
Sarah is doing well. She'd like it better if the neighbors' animals didn't think our yard and carport wasn't a great place to do their business, but in light of eternity...
We've made some "friends" with the neighbors across the street. One family has a little boy who comes over and jumps with the kiddos. They're nice. And the wife of another couple has asked Sarah to watch their house when they go out of town...so that's cool.
Me? Doing pretty good. Still adjusting to the new role at work, trying to make my quota and all that. But that comes with the territory. It's hard to believe we moved away a year ago this month...well, at least, I did. It's crazy. It seems like forever, and not all that long at the same time.
At any rate, we miss you all. Keep commenting. I love to read them. Sarah says hello and so do the kiddos.
First of all, I want to apologize for not being able to respond to comments all the time. Again, I can view the blogs and comments from work, but I cannot comment on them. And since our only access to the Net is at the library, obviously time constraints exist.
Anyway...with the church search.
We will be taking the membership class at Grace Fellowship this Sunday. They are very similar to LH in many different ways. We'll even have to sign a membership covenant if we decide to join. I met with their small group pastor yesterday during lunch, and I believe our family shares their vision. So...after this weekend, we may know for sure where we will be plugging in. Please continue to pray.
Family updates...
Jack is potty training. As a matter of fact, he went all day Tuesday in undies ('cept for nap time) with NO ACCIDENTS!!! We're excited for him. And I'm excited for us. Once we get him out of diapers...hey, you all know those things aren't cheap. Bella is involved in helping brother go potty. She gets all excited. It's pretty funny...you'd almost think Jack was a puppy the way she carries on. "Do you need to go potty? Do you? Come on, let's go potty!"
Speaking of Bella...she's growing up fast. And she's as funny as ever. She told us the other day that we were "wrecking her brain". I guess we were confusing her or something. But she's doing well. We have our typical four year old moments...and remember, this one is VERY strong willed, but we're making it. Every time she says she hates us and wants a different family, she comes back later and loves on us. Yes...yes...our sweet Bella sounds like a teenager. *sigh*
Sarah is doing well. She'd like it better if the neighbors' animals didn't think our yard and carport wasn't a great place to do their business, but in light of eternity...
We've made some "friends" with the neighbors across the street. One family has a little boy who comes over and jumps with the kiddos. They're nice. And the wife of another couple has asked Sarah to watch their house when they go out of town...so that's cool.
Me? Doing pretty good. Still adjusting to the new role at work, trying to make my quota and all that. But that comes with the territory. It's hard to believe we moved away a year ago this month...well, at least, I did. It's crazy. It seems like forever, and not all that long at the same time.
At any rate, we miss you all. Keep commenting. I love to read them. Sarah says hello and so do the kiddos.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
About Obama
Don’t worry, true believers, I am not about to become an Obama-ite. I do, however, have very mixed feelings about this election and my current, so-called, political affliations.
It seems, as of late, I’ve become addicted to reading about the current election. And I have to say, reading through some forums and some comments on news websites, I have been appalled with the varying degrees of hatred evident upon them. Shocked, you could say.
And I wonder how conservatives, who often claim to be Christian, can speak with such venom dripping from their words. Have they not read Scripture? What happened to loving one’s neighbor, or even enemy? Isn’t that the message Christ gave us, at least in some respects? And yet...Obama...wow...if his political platform was not so far left leaning from mine, I would almost vote for him out of sheer pity and admiration.
I read the speech he gave the other day. And I was moved. You know, even if he couldn’t absolve himself from his relationship with his pastor...I feel like it took a lot of moxy to stand up there and not do so, even with the press and critics frothing at the mouth about it. He could have completely renounced the man in an attempt to save his political career...but he didn’t. I admire that, misguided though it may have been.
And his message? Even if you dislike the man, can you deny the truth of his speech? Isn’t race a huge problem that no one likes to look at? Don’t we need to stop fighting?
I think about the partisan culture we live in. We are so completely divided. And it is clear that even within parties, there is a huge divide. What is happening? How can we mend the rift? I am reminded of Ancient Rome that toppled because of decay on the inside instead of the barbarians on the wall.
Are we like that? Are we close to crumbling as a nation due to our lack of introspection? Due to our lack of unity? If ever there was a time for us to truly be the UNITED States...now is the time.
Obama...even if you lose, I hope someone takes up your torch and unites us somehow...before we divide along lines that can never be mended.
It seems, as of late, I’ve become addicted to reading about the current election. And I have to say, reading through some forums and some comments on news websites, I have been appalled with the varying degrees of hatred evident upon them. Shocked, you could say.
And I wonder how conservatives, who often claim to be Christian, can speak with such venom dripping from their words. Have they not read Scripture? What happened to loving one’s neighbor, or even enemy? Isn’t that the message Christ gave us, at least in some respects? And yet...Obama...wow...if his political platform was not so far left leaning from mine, I would almost vote for him out of sheer pity and admiration.
I read the speech he gave the other day. And I was moved. You know, even if he couldn’t absolve himself from his relationship with his pastor...I feel like it took a lot of moxy to stand up there and not do so, even with the press and critics frothing at the mouth about it. He could have completely renounced the man in an attempt to save his political career...but he didn’t. I admire that, misguided though it may have been.
And his message? Even if you dislike the man, can you deny the truth of his speech? Isn’t race a huge problem that no one likes to look at? Don’t we need to stop fighting?
I think about the partisan culture we live in. We are so completely divided. And it is clear that even within parties, there is a huge divide. What is happening? How can we mend the rift? I am reminded of Ancient Rome that toppled because of decay on the inside instead of the barbarians on the wall.
Are we like that? Are we close to crumbling as a nation due to our lack of introspection? Due to our lack of unity? If ever there was a time for us to truly be the UNITED States...now is the time.
Obama...even if you lose, I hope someone takes up your torch and unites us somehow...before we divide along lines that can never be mended.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Seeking God: The Whys and Whats
I've been contemplating the whole, "Seeking God" series for a bit now, wondering how I should continue. My main dilemma comes to this: Do I discuss the "how to" aspect first, or the "why"? Which is truly more important?
I considered doing the manual bit initially. Mainly because I have an idea of what I am going to say and how I want to present it. And also, I figured if you were seriously reading a blog titled "Seeking God", then maybe you already were, and didn't want to know why, but just how.
But isn't why just as important a question? Why should we seek God? Why do we? And yet, an even more relevant question remains to be uncovered. What? Exactly.
What does it mean to seek God? It's easy to sit here and recommend doing it, but what, exactly, does it entail? Is God lost? Why does He need to be found?
Let's define seek, shall we? American Heritage Dictionary defines it as such:
1. To try to locate or discover; search for.
2. To endeavor to obtain or reach
3. To go to or toward
4. To inquire for; request
5. To try; endeavor
But how do these definitions relate to seeking God? In order to answer this, let's take a look at Scripture.
Deuteronomy 4:29, which is the first reference to seeking God that I could find, goes like this:
"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."
So, if from there…which in context for the Israelites was in the middle of their sin and a captivity, applying to us as well…we will search for, endeavor to obtain, to go to or toward, inquire for God, we'll find Him if we look for Him with all that we are.
I liked the example the AHD used for number 3. It said, "Water seeks its own level." It goes to it. I think that is what seeking means in relation to God.
He isn't lost. And it isn't as if He hasn't told us over and over where He is so that we may know where to find Him. But we have to move toward Him, and away from the things that are crowding Him out of our lives.
Let's take a closer look at Deuteronomy 4:26-31.
This is a little speech Moses gave to the Israelites. He's telling them exactly what they'll do in the time to come. Once they got settled and secured in the Promise Land, they'd get lazy. They'd forget who got them where they were, why they were there, and all of that. They'd look around at their neighbors and think, "Hey, these guys have it pretty good. They don't have to follow a bunch of rules. They do want they want, when they want. Their gods are small, and portable, less demanding. Plus, I can see them, and understand them."
So then the Israelites would take their eyes off of God, and start pursuing those idols. And once that happened, they would lose the protection of the Lord. They'd be carted off, captured and enslaved. And then, when they were desperate and lost, when they could find no solace in the false gods they flirted with, they'd call out to the one True God, and He'd still be there, because that's just how He rolls.
I think that this is relative to our times. To us. We get so caught up in the idols of our days, what are neighbors are doing, what looks fun, and we lose sight of God. We get pulled away. We may have fun for awhile. Things may go better good, but when tragedy strikes, when life goes wrong, those idols won't help us anymore. When you are hurting and lost and torn, money doesn't satisfy. Material possessions just don't do the trick. But if we'll turn away from those things, and turn back to God, start going toward Him again, we'll find Him, and He'll lift us up.
That's why we should seek Him. Aside from the fact that Scripture tells us we should. We need God. Nothing else will ever satisfy the way He will. We are designed to be fulfilled by Him. There really is no substitute.
And that's why I'm writing this series. Because we...because I...need to start seeking God. And we, you and I, need to know how. We need to know what it looks like.
I considered doing the manual bit initially. Mainly because I have an idea of what I am going to say and how I want to present it. And also, I figured if you were seriously reading a blog titled "Seeking God", then maybe you already were, and didn't want to know why, but just how.
But isn't why just as important a question? Why should we seek God? Why do we? And yet, an even more relevant question remains to be uncovered. What? Exactly.
What does it mean to seek God? It's easy to sit here and recommend doing it, but what, exactly, does it entail? Is God lost? Why does He need to be found?
Let's define seek, shall we? American Heritage Dictionary defines it as such:
1. To try to locate or discover; search for.
2. To endeavor to obtain or reach
3. To go to or toward
4. To inquire for; request
5. To try; endeavor
But how do these definitions relate to seeking God? In order to answer this, let's take a look at Scripture.
Deuteronomy 4:29, which is the first reference to seeking God that I could find, goes like this:
"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."
So, if from there…which in context for the Israelites was in the middle of their sin and a captivity, applying to us as well…we will search for, endeavor to obtain, to go to or toward, inquire for God, we'll find Him if we look for Him with all that we are.
I liked the example the AHD used for number 3. It said, "Water seeks its own level." It goes to it. I think that is what seeking means in relation to God.
He isn't lost. And it isn't as if He hasn't told us over and over where He is so that we may know where to find Him. But we have to move toward Him, and away from the things that are crowding Him out of our lives.
Let's take a closer look at Deuteronomy 4:26-31.
This is a little speech Moses gave to the Israelites. He's telling them exactly what they'll do in the time to come. Once they got settled and secured in the Promise Land, they'd get lazy. They'd forget who got them where they were, why they were there, and all of that. They'd look around at their neighbors and think, "Hey, these guys have it pretty good. They don't have to follow a bunch of rules. They do want they want, when they want. Their gods are small, and portable, less demanding. Plus, I can see them, and understand them."
So then the Israelites would take their eyes off of God, and start pursuing those idols. And once that happened, they would lose the protection of the Lord. They'd be carted off, captured and enslaved. And then, when they were desperate and lost, when they could find no solace in the false gods they flirted with, they'd call out to the one True God, and He'd still be there, because that's just how He rolls.
I think that this is relative to our times. To us. We get so caught up in the idols of our days, what are neighbors are doing, what looks fun, and we lose sight of God. We get pulled away. We may have fun for awhile. Things may go better good, but when tragedy strikes, when life goes wrong, those idols won't help us anymore. When you are hurting and lost and torn, money doesn't satisfy. Material possessions just don't do the trick. But if we'll turn away from those things, and turn back to God, start going toward Him again, we'll find Him, and He'll lift us up.
That's why we should seek Him. Aside from the fact that Scripture tells us we should. We need God. Nothing else will ever satisfy the way He will. We are designed to be fulfilled by Him. There really is no substitute.
And that's why I'm writing this series. Because we...because I...need to start seeking God. And we, you and I, need to know how. We need to know what it looks like.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Seeking God: The Prelude
“There are none who seek God, no not one.” That’s what we are told in Romans 3. And yet, we find ourselves over and over again doing just that very thing. And Scripture encourages us to do so. Where is the discrepancy? Is Scripture contradictory? I don’t think so. We just have to evaluate this in light of the whole Word of God.
Is it true that no one seeks God? Absolutely! If left to our own devices, we would rather find our own way. God shows us how very flawed we are. How often do we find ourselves hating those people who possess the traits we lack, and desire to have? On our own, we would rather find dark places to hide and grub through existence rather than be exposed for who we are by God’s light.
But is it not true also that people do seek God? Don’t we often begin quests to fill that awful hole inside of us? How can both be true?
The answer is simple. We cannot, or will not, seek God on our own. But we will begin to search when He calls us. And call us He does.
Jesus said Himself that no one can come to Him unless the Father calls them. (John 6:44) Paul told the Athenians that God gave men life and moved throughout history so that we would seek and find Him. (Acts 17: 24-27) And in Romans 1, Paul says God reveals Himself through creation so that none of us may have excuse.
The whole Bible is filled with passages of God reaching out toward man. We never initiate it. He does. And yet, He wants us to find Him. Or rather, He wants us to look.
It’s as if God has set out a trail of breadcrumbs for us. All we have to do is follow it, and we will see Him, hiding in plain sight. He wants us to seek Him, me…you.
Why? How? What does that even look like? All of those are perfectly understandable questions. And, I’m going to try to explain them as best as I’m able. I’m going to use the Bible and a little bit of logic. Psalm 63 will be my model. Please read it. Seek with me. Ask questions. Add insights. Travel with me on this pilgrimage to seek the One True God. He’s calling. Won’t you come?
Is it true that no one seeks God? Absolutely! If left to our own devices, we would rather find our own way. God shows us how very flawed we are. How often do we find ourselves hating those people who possess the traits we lack, and desire to have? On our own, we would rather find dark places to hide and grub through existence rather than be exposed for who we are by God’s light.
But is it not true also that people do seek God? Don’t we often begin quests to fill that awful hole inside of us? How can both be true?
The answer is simple. We cannot, or will not, seek God on our own. But we will begin to search when He calls us. And call us He does.
Jesus said Himself that no one can come to Him unless the Father calls them. (John 6:44) Paul told the Athenians that God gave men life and moved throughout history so that we would seek and find Him. (Acts 17: 24-27) And in Romans 1, Paul says God reveals Himself through creation so that none of us may have excuse.
The whole Bible is filled with passages of God reaching out toward man. We never initiate it. He does. And yet, He wants us to find Him. Or rather, He wants us to look.
It’s as if God has set out a trail of breadcrumbs for us. All we have to do is follow it, and we will see Him, hiding in plain sight. He wants us to seek Him, me…you.
Why? How? What does that even look like? All of those are perfectly understandable questions. And, I’m going to try to explain them as best as I’m able. I’m going to use the Bible and a little bit of logic. Psalm 63 will be my model. Please read it. Seek with me. Ask questions. Add insights. Travel with me on this pilgrimage to seek the One True God. He’s calling. Won’t you come?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Calling Dr. House
I have another doctors appointment today for the stomach/abdomen stuff I've been dealing with on and off again for the past year and a half. The round of tests and things the first go around were largely inconclusive. The doctor, a specialist mind you, told me that basically my gut was clenching on me, but he couldn't tell me why. The medicine he prescribed didn't work, so I didn't go back.Now...I go again.
Hopefully I'm not looking at tons of money for tons of test to find nothing. Hopefully I'm not looking at months of waiting to see what is wrong with me. Hopefully I'll go in today, he'll poke around a little bit, and go, "Oh yeah, I've seen this before. This is what you have, this is what we'll do, and you'll be better shortly."
You know, I'm almost at a point where it would be enough to just know, you know? Even if there's nothing that they can do. Just to know what's actually going wrong. Put a name to it. Identify the enemy, so to speak. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Realistically speaking, I probably have weeks if not months of waiting time, treatments or medications that don't help, tests that show nothing wrong. I'm not sure that I can go through all that again.
That's why I've waited so long to go back. If it hadn't been for Sarah making me promise to go back when we could afford it, I probably still wouldn't go.It's like when I had the knee problem. I went to a specialist. He said, "Do some exercises, it'll get better." I did, and it kind of did. But he never could tell me what the problem was. Why pay all that money for someone to tell me to exercise? I could call my mom, and she'd tell me to do that for free.
I wish I could go to Dr. House. Granted, he'd probably be mean and sarcastic, but at least he'd figure it out. If only all doctors were mad geniuses...
Hopefully I'm not looking at tons of money for tons of test to find nothing. Hopefully I'm not looking at months of waiting to see what is wrong with me. Hopefully I'll go in today, he'll poke around a little bit, and go, "Oh yeah, I've seen this before. This is what you have, this is what we'll do, and you'll be better shortly."
You know, I'm almost at a point where it would be enough to just know, you know? Even if there's nothing that they can do. Just to know what's actually going wrong. Put a name to it. Identify the enemy, so to speak. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Realistically speaking, I probably have weeks if not months of waiting time, treatments or medications that don't help, tests that show nothing wrong. I'm not sure that I can go through all that again.
That's why I've waited so long to go back. If it hadn't been for Sarah making me promise to go back when we could afford it, I probably still wouldn't go.It's like when I had the knee problem. I went to a specialist. He said, "Do some exercises, it'll get better." I did, and it kind of did. But he never could tell me what the problem was. Why pay all that money for someone to tell me to exercise? I could call my mom, and she'd tell me to do that for free.
I wish I could go to Dr. House. Granted, he'd probably be mean and sarcastic, but at least he'd figure it out. If only all doctors were mad geniuses...
Monday, September 17, 2007
On the Brink
2 Corinthians 7:1
"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."
I've been stuck on this verse for quite some time. Not because it's so juicy and I'm picking every ounce of meat off the bone. Mainly, because I haven't really wanted to think about the implications of this verse, and the application of it to my life.
Let it be sufficient to say that I have not kept in mind these promises. I have not made an attempt to purify myself from everything that contaminates body and soul. And I surely haven't been perfecting holiness out of reverernce for God.
I could go into the background of what these promises are, but I know what they are, and if you who are reading this do not, I recommend you look it up for yourselves. I do not intend for this post to be an indepth bible study. It's a confession.
I remember the first day this verse caught my eye. I was training in Grapevine and I decided I'd have some quiet time...finally. As I read this verse, you know, I went along, and I asked questions. I really wanted to get into it, but then, when it came to the end, I had to stop. I asked: What things contaminate my body and soul? You know, like specifically for me. And I didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it would require me to maybe change some things. So, I stopped. And I really haven't had any decent quiet time since then. Nor before then for quite some time.
Where am I in the grand scheme of things? I look at this verse, and one not to far from it.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
"14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
And also Romans 12:1
"1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship."
I keep thinking how I've been living to please myself lately. I haven't given much thought to what would please God in quite some time. Ask me when the last time I've had a meaningful conversation with the Lord, or when was the last time I read the Bible and actually applied what I read to my life, and I'd be hard pressed to tell you.
What happened to me? What made me go off track? Little things. Resenting time that I "should" have for myself. Continuing to drink coffee when I more than a little sure He asked me to lay that Isaac down. You know...not that drinking coffee in and of itself is sinful, but just a test, to see what I loved more. Once I felt I was obligated to drink what I wanted when I wanted, thank you very much, I decided that it'd be okay if I listened to different music from time to time. I was getting tired of all that preachy worship stuff. Surely listening to a little Jack FM wasn't sinful, right? And then, gosh, I really like to read fantasy and sci-fi novels even though some of them have their main characters in morally compromising situations, and that have language that is definitely not edifying nor pleasing to the Lord. What next? Feeling as if I had the right to watch what I want? A little language never hurt anyone, right? I mean, as long as I don't use it, it's cool, huh?
And where do I stand now? Knowing that if I do not address these issues, I am not likely to advance in faith. Knowing full well that until I sacrifice these idols and turn back to my first love that I will not be practicing holiness out of reverence to the Lord. Will I change? Will I let the Lord woo me back into His loving embrace? Only time will tell.
And what about remembering what Christ did? I'm obviously not remembering that or I'd be doing the right thing, right? Do I have a reverence for God, or am I beginning to view Him as an inconvenience to the way I'd like to live?
There so much more that I could talk about. But I don't have time.
But is there anyone really listening anyway?
"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."
I've been stuck on this verse for quite some time. Not because it's so juicy and I'm picking every ounce of meat off the bone. Mainly, because I haven't really wanted to think about the implications of this verse, and the application of it to my life.
Let it be sufficient to say that I have not kept in mind these promises. I have not made an attempt to purify myself from everything that contaminates body and soul. And I surely haven't been perfecting holiness out of reverernce for God.
I could go into the background of what these promises are, but I know what they are, and if you who are reading this do not, I recommend you look it up for yourselves. I do not intend for this post to be an indepth bible study. It's a confession.
I remember the first day this verse caught my eye. I was training in Grapevine and I decided I'd have some quiet time...finally. As I read this verse, you know, I went along, and I asked questions. I really wanted to get into it, but then, when it came to the end, I had to stop. I asked: What things contaminate my body and soul? You know, like specifically for me. And I didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it would require me to maybe change some things. So, I stopped. And I really haven't had any decent quiet time since then. Nor before then for quite some time.
Where am I in the grand scheme of things? I look at this verse, and one not to far from it.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
"14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
And also Romans 12:1
"1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship."
I keep thinking how I've been living to please myself lately. I haven't given much thought to what would please God in quite some time. Ask me when the last time I've had a meaningful conversation with the Lord, or when was the last time I read the Bible and actually applied what I read to my life, and I'd be hard pressed to tell you.
What happened to me? What made me go off track? Little things. Resenting time that I "should" have for myself. Continuing to drink coffee when I more than a little sure He asked me to lay that Isaac down. You know...not that drinking coffee in and of itself is sinful, but just a test, to see what I loved more. Once I felt I was obligated to drink what I wanted when I wanted, thank you very much, I decided that it'd be okay if I listened to different music from time to time. I was getting tired of all that preachy worship stuff. Surely listening to a little Jack FM wasn't sinful, right? And then, gosh, I really like to read fantasy and sci-fi novels even though some of them have their main characters in morally compromising situations, and that have language that is definitely not edifying nor pleasing to the Lord. What next? Feeling as if I had the right to watch what I want? A little language never hurt anyone, right? I mean, as long as I don't use it, it's cool, huh?
And where do I stand now? Knowing that if I do not address these issues, I am not likely to advance in faith. Knowing full well that until I sacrifice these idols and turn back to my first love that I will not be practicing holiness out of reverence to the Lord. Will I change? Will I let the Lord woo me back into His loving embrace? Only time will tell.
And what about remembering what Christ did? I'm obviously not remembering that or I'd be doing the right thing, right? Do I have a reverence for God, or am I beginning to view Him as an inconvenience to the way I'd like to live?
There so much more that I could talk about. But I don't have time.
But is there anyone really listening anyway?
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
I DID IT!
I passed my Life and Health Licensing Exam.
I made an 80.
I'm on my way to being a Personal Banker.
Wow
I can't tell you the amount of stress that has lifted off my shoulders. I was really concerned I wasn't going to pass it. But I did. Another hurdle cleared on my way to doing something much different than a teller. I'll be an officer of the bank. Crazy. Not only while I have to learn to do the rudimentary parts of my job (which I have been to training for already) but I've got to learn the paperwork, operational stuff. Blah.
But I've done it. I'm on my way. I know that's repeating what I've already said...but I'm very happy that it's done.
Wish me luck.
I made an 80.
I'm on my way to being a Personal Banker.
Wow
I can't tell you the amount of stress that has lifted off my shoulders. I was really concerned I wasn't going to pass it. But I did. Another hurdle cleared on my way to doing something much different than a teller. I'll be an officer of the bank. Crazy. Not only while I have to learn to do the rudimentary parts of my job (which I have been to training for already) but I've got to learn the paperwork, operational stuff. Blah.
But I've done it. I'm on my way. I know that's repeating what I've already said...but I'm very happy that it's done.
Wish me luck.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
So I've Been Thinking
It seems as if every so often I get in what I call my pensive moods. I don't know if it's a every few months or once a year thing. I don't know if it's just a certain time of year, or if it's like my "cycle", know what I mean?
But I get in these moods. Reflective moods. When I think about my past, my present, my future. Times when I'm more inclined to write thoughtful things. Times when I want to write a poem that will change the way people think, and yet, am unable to put my mood into words. Like I'm still trying to find my voice.
And now, I'm in one of those kind of phases. I miss the days when I used to spend all night talking with my friends about the things that mattered to us. Don't get me wrong. Sarah and I actually do that quite a bit. But I miss that male camaraderie.
I wonder how long it has been since I've had a really close male friend. Someone that I really let in, you know? This may be a surprise to some of you, but I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length. Oh I talk about what's on my mind...but not the deep things. The things that scare me, or the things I think would scare others. I haven't been very forthcoming with any guy friend in quite some time.
Why? Is it just that I haven't felt like there was anyone I could trust? Did I feel like I had to be someone else...someone important or all together? I just wish I could find a friend who shared similar interests that I could really talk to...someone I could be me around, and not Josh the mature fellow. Not Josh, the therapist. I wish I had someone I could lean on.
There are people I can talk to, people I could share my feelings with. But what would be cool is to have someone who would listen, and not give me a lecture. Well...not give me a lecture that felt like a lecture, you know? Someone who would talk to me as a friend, being honest, but not intimidating.
I'm whining. So it's time to tie it up. Put it back in the bag.
But hey...if the person I need to talk to is reading this: HELP. Please?
But I get in these moods. Reflective moods. When I think about my past, my present, my future. Times when I'm more inclined to write thoughtful things. Times when I want to write a poem that will change the way people think, and yet, am unable to put my mood into words. Like I'm still trying to find my voice.
And now, I'm in one of those kind of phases. I miss the days when I used to spend all night talking with my friends about the things that mattered to us. Don't get me wrong. Sarah and I actually do that quite a bit. But I miss that male camaraderie.
I wonder how long it has been since I've had a really close male friend. Someone that I really let in, you know? This may be a surprise to some of you, but I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length. Oh I talk about what's on my mind...but not the deep things. The things that scare me, or the things I think would scare others. I haven't been very forthcoming with any guy friend in quite some time.
Why? Is it just that I haven't felt like there was anyone I could trust? Did I feel like I had to be someone else...someone important or all together? I just wish I could find a friend who shared similar interests that I could really talk to...someone I could be me around, and not Josh the mature fellow. Not Josh, the therapist. I wish I had someone I could lean on.
There are people I can talk to, people I could share my feelings with. But what would be cool is to have someone who would listen, and not give me a lecture. Well...not give me a lecture that felt like a lecture, you know? Someone who would talk to me as a friend, being honest, but not intimidating.
I'm whining. So it's time to tie it up. Put it back in the bag.
But hey...if the person I need to talk to is reading this: HELP. Please?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The Switch
I just did one of the saddest things I ever have had to do.
Okay, so that's not entirely true. But it was pretty sad.
I just moved contacts from one email address to another.
That may not sound so sad to you, but you're not getting the full picture.
Some of the contacts didn't make it.
I know, I know...never leave a man behind and all that. But that's just what I did. I left some behind.
Why?
I felt like it was better to pick the few that I may actually email once in awhile instead of saving all of the random addresses I've picked up over the years. The thing is, some of the contacts I didn't add to my new account are people I know. People I have loved. People who have meant the world to me.
People I would probably never email again.
I just wouldn't. I never emailed them really anyway.
See, if everyone just read my blog. *sigh*
It may sound shallow, but really, what was I going to do with all those contacts? And seeing as how I would have had to manually switch everyone of them...it wouldn't have been worth the effort to shift them all over.
But I did compromise. I sent most of them an email giving my new address and information.
See...now the ball's in my court. If they don't email me saying that they got my new address, or wish me luck on the move...well then...
They probably didn't want to keep in contact with me anyway. Right?
And so that's what I'm telling myself.
I still have time. I haven't deleted the old account yet. (Getting rid of Juno since we aren't using that for internet anymore, and I'd, like, have to pay for email. Yuck!) So maybe I'll change my mind and add a few more. But I doubt it.
'Cause that's they way the cookie crumbles.
Okay, so that's not entirely true. But it was pretty sad.
I just moved contacts from one email address to another.
That may not sound so sad to you, but you're not getting the full picture.
Some of the contacts didn't make it.
I know, I know...never leave a man behind and all that. But that's just what I did. I left some behind.
Why?
I felt like it was better to pick the few that I may actually email once in awhile instead of saving all of the random addresses I've picked up over the years. The thing is, some of the contacts I didn't add to my new account are people I know. People I have loved. People who have meant the world to me.
People I would probably never email again.
I just wouldn't. I never emailed them really anyway.
See, if everyone just read my blog. *sigh*
It may sound shallow, but really, what was I going to do with all those contacts? And seeing as how I would have had to manually switch everyone of them...it wouldn't have been worth the effort to shift them all over.
But I did compromise. I sent most of them an email giving my new address and information.
See...now the ball's in my court. If they don't email me saying that they got my new address, or wish me luck on the move...well then...
They probably didn't want to keep in contact with me anyway. Right?
And so that's what I'm telling myself.
I still have time. I haven't deleted the old account yet. (Getting rid of Juno since we aren't using that for internet anymore, and I'd, like, have to pay for email. Yuck!) So maybe I'll change my mind and add a few more. But I doubt it.
'Cause that's they way the cookie crumbles.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Maintaining a Balanced Diet
I've forgotten what it was like to have to study for a test. It's not a whole lot of fun. And it's pretty time consuming. When you work full-time and have a family, it's even harder to find the time to squeeze it in.
Why am I studying? I am attempting to get licensed for Texas Life and Health Insurance. Once I get my license, I will start training for the Personal Banker position. That's right...I've been given the go ahead by the higher ups. I have the job, for all intents and purposes, as long as I pass my licensing test.
I'm very excited about the new position. It will be a new challenge. I'll have more one on one customer interaction. I'll have a higher base salary, with the potential of earning much more through commissions and reaching my sales goals. And...I'll have an office. (For some reason, I think this is one of the coolest things...silly, huh?)
What's this have to do with maintaining a balanced diet?
It would be so easy to study every free chance I have. The sooner I'm ready to take the test and pass it, the sooner I get into the position. But I need to make sure I make time for the Word. So far, I have been. I've committed to studying a chapter a day from my insurance work book. I need to be just as devoted to my study of the Word, something I have neglected as of late.
I actually had a really good study on Ephesians 5:22-27 yesterday. When I get a chance, I'll try to post it here.
Why am I studying? I am attempting to get licensed for Texas Life and Health Insurance. Once I get my license, I will start training for the Personal Banker position. That's right...I've been given the go ahead by the higher ups. I have the job, for all intents and purposes, as long as I pass my licensing test.
I'm very excited about the new position. It will be a new challenge. I'll have more one on one customer interaction. I'll have a higher base salary, with the potential of earning much more through commissions and reaching my sales goals. And...I'll have an office. (For some reason, I think this is one of the coolest things...silly, huh?)
What's this have to do with maintaining a balanced diet?
It would be so easy to study every free chance I have. The sooner I'm ready to take the test and pass it, the sooner I get into the position. But I need to make sure I make time for the Word. So far, I have been. I've committed to studying a chapter a day from my insurance work book. I need to be just as devoted to my study of the Word, something I have neglected as of late.
I actually had a really good study on Ephesians 5:22-27 yesterday. When I get a chance, I'll try to post it here.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Church Shopping
I never knew finding a new church would be so hard. We keep finding different places and going, "Gee, if we could just combine the teaching of here with the worship of there, and the preschool of this place with the heart for ministry with this place, we'd be set."
We've been the last few Sundays to Denton Bible Church. And this is mainly due to the fact that I know the teaching is solid, the preschool section rocks. Jack LOVES going to class. The songs are nice, but there just isn't that spirit of worship that we crave. So, if anyone reading this can suggest a good church in Denton...please feel free to tell us.
We've been the last few Sundays to Denton Bible Church. And this is mainly due to the fact that I know the teaching is solid, the preschool section rocks. Jack LOVES going to class. The songs are nice, but there just isn't that spirit of worship that we crave. So, if anyone reading this can suggest a good church in Denton...please feel free to tell us.
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