I have another doctors appointment today for the stomach/abdomen stuff I've been dealing with on and off again for the past year and a half. The round of tests and things the first go around were largely inconclusive. The doctor, a specialist mind you, told me that basically my gut was clenching on me, but he couldn't tell me why. The medicine he prescribed didn't work, so I didn't go back.Now...I go again.
Hopefully I'm not looking at tons of money for tons of test to find nothing. Hopefully I'm not looking at months of waiting to see what is wrong with me. Hopefully I'll go in today, he'll poke around a little bit, and go, "Oh yeah, I've seen this before. This is what you have, this is what we'll do, and you'll be better shortly."
You know, I'm almost at a point where it would be enough to just know, you know? Even if there's nothing that they can do. Just to know what's actually going wrong. Put a name to it. Identify the enemy, so to speak. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Realistically speaking, I probably have weeks if not months of waiting time, treatments or medications that don't help, tests that show nothing wrong. I'm not sure that I can go through all that again.
That's why I've waited so long to go back. If it hadn't been for Sarah making me promise to go back when we could afford it, I probably still wouldn't go.It's like when I had the knee problem. I went to a specialist. He said, "Do some exercises, it'll get better." I did, and it kind of did. But he never could tell me what the problem was. Why pay all that money for someone to tell me to exercise? I could call my mom, and she'd tell me to do that for free.
I wish I could go to Dr. House. Granted, he'd probably be mean and sarcastic, but at least he'd figure it out. If only all doctors were mad geniuses...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
On the Brink
2 Corinthians 7:1
"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."
I've been stuck on this verse for quite some time. Not because it's so juicy and I'm picking every ounce of meat off the bone. Mainly, because I haven't really wanted to think about the implications of this verse, and the application of it to my life.
Let it be sufficient to say that I have not kept in mind these promises. I have not made an attempt to purify myself from everything that contaminates body and soul. And I surely haven't been perfecting holiness out of reverernce for God.
I could go into the background of what these promises are, but I know what they are, and if you who are reading this do not, I recommend you look it up for yourselves. I do not intend for this post to be an indepth bible study. It's a confession.
I remember the first day this verse caught my eye. I was training in Grapevine and I decided I'd have some quiet time...finally. As I read this verse, you know, I went along, and I asked questions. I really wanted to get into it, but then, when it came to the end, I had to stop. I asked: What things contaminate my body and soul? You know, like specifically for me. And I didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it would require me to maybe change some things. So, I stopped. And I really haven't had any decent quiet time since then. Nor before then for quite some time.
Where am I in the grand scheme of things? I look at this verse, and one not to far from it.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
"14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
And also Romans 12:1
"1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship."
I keep thinking how I've been living to please myself lately. I haven't given much thought to what would please God in quite some time. Ask me when the last time I've had a meaningful conversation with the Lord, or when was the last time I read the Bible and actually applied what I read to my life, and I'd be hard pressed to tell you.
What happened to me? What made me go off track? Little things. Resenting time that I "should" have for myself. Continuing to drink coffee when I more than a little sure He asked me to lay that Isaac down. You know...not that drinking coffee in and of itself is sinful, but just a test, to see what I loved more. Once I felt I was obligated to drink what I wanted when I wanted, thank you very much, I decided that it'd be okay if I listened to different music from time to time. I was getting tired of all that preachy worship stuff. Surely listening to a little Jack FM wasn't sinful, right? And then, gosh, I really like to read fantasy and sci-fi novels even though some of them have their main characters in morally compromising situations, and that have language that is definitely not edifying nor pleasing to the Lord. What next? Feeling as if I had the right to watch what I want? A little language never hurt anyone, right? I mean, as long as I don't use it, it's cool, huh?
And where do I stand now? Knowing that if I do not address these issues, I am not likely to advance in faith. Knowing full well that until I sacrifice these idols and turn back to my first love that I will not be practicing holiness out of reverence to the Lord. Will I change? Will I let the Lord woo me back into His loving embrace? Only time will tell.
And what about remembering what Christ did? I'm obviously not remembering that or I'd be doing the right thing, right? Do I have a reverence for God, or am I beginning to view Him as an inconvenience to the way I'd like to live?
There so much more that I could talk about. But I don't have time.
But is there anyone really listening anyway?
"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."
I've been stuck on this verse for quite some time. Not because it's so juicy and I'm picking every ounce of meat off the bone. Mainly, because I haven't really wanted to think about the implications of this verse, and the application of it to my life.
Let it be sufficient to say that I have not kept in mind these promises. I have not made an attempt to purify myself from everything that contaminates body and soul. And I surely haven't been perfecting holiness out of reverernce for God.
I could go into the background of what these promises are, but I know what they are, and if you who are reading this do not, I recommend you look it up for yourselves. I do not intend for this post to be an indepth bible study. It's a confession.
I remember the first day this verse caught my eye. I was training in Grapevine and I decided I'd have some quiet time...finally. As I read this verse, you know, I went along, and I asked questions. I really wanted to get into it, but then, when it came to the end, I had to stop. I asked: What things contaminate my body and soul? You know, like specifically for me. And I didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it would require me to maybe change some things. So, I stopped. And I really haven't had any decent quiet time since then. Nor before then for quite some time.
Where am I in the grand scheme of things? I look at this verse, and one not to far from it.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
"14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
And also Romans 12:1
"1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship."
I keep thinking how I've been living to please myself lately. I haven't given much thought to what would please God in quite some time. Ask me when the last time I've had a meaningful conversation with the Lord, or when was the last time I read the Bible and actually applied what I read to my life, and I'd be hard pressed to tell you.
What happened to me? What made me go off track? Little things. Resenting time that I "should" have for myself. Continuing to drink coffee when I more than a little sure He asked me to lay that Isaac down. You know...not that drinking coffee in and of itself is sinful, but just a test, to see what I loved more. Once I felt I was obligated to drink what I wanted when I wanted, thank you very much, I decided that it'd be okay if I listened to different music from time to time. I was getting tired of all that preachy worship stuff. Surely listening to a little Jack FM wasn't sinful, right? And then, gosh, I really like to read fantasy and sci-fi novels even though some of them have their main characters in morally compromising situations, and that have language that is definitely not edifying nor pleasing to the Lord. What next? Feeling as if I had the right to watch what I want? A little language never hurt anyone, right? I mean, as long as I don't use it, it's cool, huh?
And where do I stand now? Knowing that if I do not address these issues, I am not likely to advance in faith. Knowing full well that until I sacrifice these idols and turn back to my first love that I will not be practicing holiness out of reverence to the Lord. Will I change? Will I let the Lord woo me back into His loving embrace? Only time will tell.
And what about remembering what Christ did? I'm obviously not remembering that or I'd be doing the right thing, right? Do I have a reverence for God, or am I beginning to view Him as an inconvenience to the way I'd like to live?
There so much more that I could talk about. But I don't have time.
But is there anyone really listening anyway?
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