I'm sitting here at the computer while my son naps and my wife, daughter, and mother-in-law have gone to the store to buy our sleeping child a birthday cake. I should be doing something constructive. I should be either looking for places to live in Decatur, or I should be using one of my God given talents and writing something that may actually make some money some day. But what am I doing? I keep playing this stupid rogue game that I can't ever get anywhere on. It's a complete waste of my time. Why is it lately that things that are, if not a complete waste of time, at the very least not at all good stewardship of time, are the things that I attempt to consume most of my time?
You know, I could even be using this time for quiet time. Imagine that. I console myself with the fact that I'm at listening to Christian music right now.
But the truth is, I don't even feel like playing my stupid game right now. See, I'm blogging instead. I just feel so...blah...for want of a better expression. I've been sick, which is still really no excuse.
And now I'm wasting even more time, because I'm not saying anything relevant or important or even spiritual. Not that anyone ever really reads what I have here. Heh. That was a self pity remark if I ever heard one. And I'll leave it. Why? Well...aren't I supposed to be honest here?
So I don't have anything else to say. A bunch of random things are clanging around in my head, but I think I'm going to go to Crosswalk.com and at least make an attempt to add something worthwhile to my day.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Moving On
I'm leaving. On a midnight train to...Decatur.
Okay...so it isn't exactly a midnight train, but we are leaving pretty quick. March 30 is my last day at the branch I work at now. April 2 is my first day at the branch in Decatur.
Why am leaving? Why am I going to Decatur? ("Where's that?" some of you may ask.)
I'm not getting a promotion, and I will probably not see an increase in pay. I will remain a teller for Citibank. So why am I leaving? Why am I uprooting my family and leaving a wonderful church to go to Decatur, TX of all places?
Family. My mother lives in Oklahoma City. My sister lives in Pampa. (Another "where's that?" I'm sure. It's in the Texas Panhandle...currently an over eight hour drive.) Sarah's mom lives in Fort Worth, three of her sisters live in the Mansfield area. When we move to Decatur, we will live a little less than three hours from my mom, four hours from my sister, and around 45 minutes to an hour and a half away from Sarah's side.
We see Sarah's family somewhat often...not near as often as we like, but definitely more often than we see my side. We're lucky if we see my family twice a year. That's just not acceptable. I hate that it's like this big production every time we leave, or they leave. I hate that we have completely rearrange our schedules, ask days off of work, just to go see my family. My kids need their grandparents. And more importantly, they need us.
Sarah's big question was: How are we able to minister to our family from here? Phone calls once or twice a week just isn't enough. About a year and a half ago, my stepdad had surgery to have his hip replaced. No big deal normally. But there was a point where he'd lost a lot of blood, and it was touch and go for a bit. I couldn't go because we lived so far away. My mom's getting older, so is Dave. Sarah's sister Becky is about to have another baby. Sarah's mom has had surgery recently...We need to be closer.
Am I sad? I mean...I lived in this area for almost 10 years now. Moved down here January of 98. We have an awesome church family, great friends. I'm established. I can't go to the store now without running into someone I know. And College Station isn't huge...but Decatur is itty-bitty.
I don't know how I feel right now. Part of me is relieved in some sense. I do like change. We have been way busy as of late, and it may be nice not to have a zillion things to do every week.
But I am probably sad. I love this town. I love the trees. I love the smell when you drive into the area after being up in the Panhandle. It just smells green here. I love the people that have come into our lives. I love the people who have been family to us here, the people my children love almost as much as they love us. I love our pastor. I love the men and women I've gotten to serve with. I love the concept of Hope Groups and what a blessing they have been to us over the years.
My eyes water up saying this. I hope it's all worth it. Sarah has always felt like we weren't meant to live her indefinitely...well, obviously, but you know what I mean. Like, Living Hope was just a training ground...I don't know. As long as we can find people as full of love as the people we go to church with now, who love Christ, and live by His Word, we'll be alright. Everything else is pretty much secondary.
Okay...so it isn't exactly a midnight train, but we are leaving pretty quick. March 30 is my last day at the branch I work at now. April 2 is my first day at the branch in Decatur.
Why am leaving? Why am I going to Decatur? ("Where's that?" some of you may ask.)
I'm not getting a promotion, and I will probably not see an increase in pay. I will remain a teller for Citibank. So why am I leaving? Why am I uprooting my family and leaving a wonderful church to go to Decatur, TX of all places?
Family. My mother lives in Oklahoma City. My sister lives in Pampa. (Another "where's that?" I'm sure. It's in the Texas Panhandle...currently an over eight hour drive.) Sarah's mom lives in Fort Worth, three of her sisters live in the Mansfield area. When we move to Decatur, we will live a little less than three hours from my mom, four hours from my sister, and around 45 minutes to an hour and a half away from Sarah's side.
We see Sarah's family somewhat often...not near as often as we like, but definitely more often than we see my side. We're lucky if we see my family twice a year. That's just not acceptable. I hate that it's like this big production every time we leave, or they leave. I hate that we have completely rearrange our schedules, ask days off of work, just to go see my family. My kids need their grandparents. And more importantly, they need us.
Sarah's big question was: How are we able to minister to our family from here? Phone calls once or twice a week just isn't enough. About a year and a half ago, my stepdad had surgery to have his hip replaced. No big deal normally. But there was a point where he'd lost a lot of blood, and it was touch and go for a bit. I couldn't go because we lived so far away. My mom's getting older, so is Dave. Sarah's sister Becky is about to have another baby. Sarah's mom has had surgery recently...We need to be closer.
Am I sad? I mean...I lived in this area for almost 10 years now. Moved down here January of 98. We have an awesome church family, great friends. I'm established. I can't go to the store now without running into someone I know. And College Station isn't huge...but Decatur is itty-bitty.
I don't know how I feel right now. Part of me is relieved in some sense. I do like change. We have been way busy as of late, and it may be nice not to have a zillion things to do every week.
But I am probably sad. I love this town. I love the trees. I love the smell when you drive into the area after being up in the Panhandle. It just smells green here. I love the people that have come into our lives. I love the people who have been family to us here, the people my children love almost as much as they love us. I love our pastor. I love the men and women I've gotten to serve with. I love the concept of Hope Groups and what a blessing they have been to us over the years.
My eyes water up saying this. I hope it's all worth it. Sarah has always felt like we weren't meant to live her indefinitely...well, obviously, but you know what I mean. Like, Living Hope was just a training ground...I don't know. As long as we can find people as full of love as the people we go to church with now, who love Christ, and live by His Word, we'll be alright. Everything else is pretty much secondary.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Screenplay
I know. I know. I haven't posted in awhile. Shame on me. Well, I'm trying to get into the habit of writing regularly, so maybe that will get me in the mood to post regularly. I have actually been doing some studying on Seeking God which I may put on here. But that's a subject for another day.
Today, I am telling you all that I am aspiring to be a screenwriter. And I have four pages under my belt so far in two days of writing. I've had an excellent idea for quite some time, but I was never sure how to go about writing it. Now, I've read some in a couple of books on how to get amatuer folks like me started on this stuff. One of the books recommend that a person should get on a writing schedule. One screenwriter, (a professional one, might I add) gets by writing two pages a day. The thing is, the average screenplay is anywhere between 80 to 120 pages long, with each page averaging about a minute worth of film. See how that works? And, if I keep on schedule, continously writing two pages a day, then I'll be done with my first draft in a couple of months. Sounds pretty cool, huh?
So pray for me. Pray that I'll follow through. That I won't get bored, stuck, or discouraged. I need to finish this project. If I don't, I may lose confidence in my ability to do it. And this story NEEDS to be told.
Want to know more about it? Well, you'll have to wait. That means I need you to keep encouraging me to finish so you can read it. Fair enough?
Alright...enough blogging for now.
Keep the faith, and keep traveling.
Today, I am telling you all that I am aspiring to be a screenwriter. And I have four pages under my belt so far in two days of writing. I've had an excellent idea for quite some time, but I was never sure how to go about writing it. Now, I've read some in a couple of books on how to get amatuer folks like me started on this stuff. One of the books recommend that a person should get on a writing schedule. One screenwriter, (a professional one, might I add) gets by writing two pages a day. The thing is, the average screenplay is anywhere between 80 to 120 pages long, with each page averaging about a minute worth of film. See how that works? And, if I keep on schedule, continously writing two pages a day, then I'll be done with my first draft in a couple of months. Sounds pretty cool, huh?
So pray for me. Pray that I'll follow through. That I won't get bored, stuck, or discouraged. I need to finish this project. If I don't, I may lose confidence in my ability to do it. And this story NEEDS to be told.
Want to know more about it? Well, you'll have to wait. That means I need you to keep encouraging me to finish so you can read it. Fair enough?
Alright...enough blogging for now.
Keep the faith, and keep traveling.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Oranges and Pearls
I’ve recently made a discovery. I often approach life much like I approach oranges. Sounds a little odd, doesn’t it? Let me explain. You see, I like oranges. I’d even go so far as to say it’s one of my five favorite fruits. And yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve passed up eating one more often that I’ve actually indulged.
Why? I mean that’s the question, isn’t it? As I said, it isn’t as if I dislike them. It’s often hard to beat the sticky sweetness of an orange. I love its flavor! The texture doesn’t bother me. I don’t even really mind how messy they can be. Man, I even love the way they smell. So why, if I’m so fond of oranges, am I so often reluctant to eat them?
Here’s the answer. I hate peeling them. No really, I do. Hate. It. Seems to me like it shouldn’t be so hard to unpack something you want to eat. So why do I hate to peel oranges? It takes so long. And it’s not like it’s easy to get a good peel going. Most of the time you have to take off piece by itty-bitty piece. And have you ever tried to eat one without peeling it? If not, don’t try. It’s disgusting. Ruins the whole experience.
Now, I know there are other fruits, such as the pineapple or the coconut, that are almost impossible to eat without the help of a very sharp object. I mean, there’s no way you could open one of them with just your fingers. (Although once, while watching Animal Planet, I saw a dog crack open a coconut with his teeth.) Sure, you can cut an orange into neat little sections with a knife, and eat the pulp off the rind. Like you would with a watermelon or a cantaloupe. It’s just not the same. Besides, I can’t get all the fruit when I eat it that way. Have you ever noticed that? You don’t get to enjoy the whole orange. No, God designed oranges to be peeled before eating. Probably so people like me can learn life lessons from it.
So you see now, right? I look at an orange, and though I would really love to eat one, it just seems like so much work. There have been times when I’ve been hungry, not “starving” hungry mind you, just “gee, I’d really like a snack right now” hungry, and have picked up an orange. I’d give it a once over, imagined how good it would taste, and then put it back down, choosing not to eat at all rather than put in the effort to skin a stupid orange.
How does this relate to my other everyday affairs? My struggle with the orange peeling process reveals an ugly character flaw that is evident in other areas of my life. I’m lazy. That’s the plain and simple truth. I’m not always lazy, and not even in everything that counts. But it’s true, nonetheless. To be honest, I’ve known this for quite awhile, but I didn’t fully understand how insidiously laziness had invaded my life until the other day.
I was on my lunch break. My lovely wife, whom God has so graciously provided me, had packed that morning a sandwich and an orange for me to eat. Finances have been a little tight, so that was it. Granted, this little meal would’ve been ample enough food to tide me over until dinnertime. After I finished my sandwich, I sat there for a moment looking at my orange, knowing I was still a little hungry. But I set the orange aside, hoping I’d be able to mooch food off of one of my co-workers later in the day, and began my ritualistic lunchtime Bible study.
God was nice. He let me read for a little bit before He convicted me. I even remember getting a little bit from what I’d read. Then, I started to think about that orange again. There it was, sitting on the table, looking oh so almost edible wrapped up in the package I seemed so determined not to free it from. “Why?” whispered a still small voice, “Why don’t you want to peel it? Don’t you want to eat it? Aren’t you still hungry?” So my conversation with God began.
Having you ever tried to argue something trivial with God? I don’t recommend it. He wins pretty much every time. It’s that sometimes irritating trait of His. You know, always being right. Because He is, you know? Always right. But I tried to show Him my logic anyway. “It just takes so long, you know,” I whined to Him in my head.
I said a few other things to Him, mostly what I’ve already pointed out to you. He wasn’t having it. He was patient, let me go through my spiel and everything. And then, in a very gentle, yet very firm way, He told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was being lazy. I could give as many reasons as I wanted. But essentially, that’s what it boiled down to. Do you know what else? It wasn’t the first time He’s told me this either.
A few months ago, I was enjoying a particularly good worship service when He decided to take me in a completely different direction. I mean I was having a good time, singing my heart out with my eyes closed and all of that. God picked that moment to remind me that procrastination is just another form of laziness. Talk about coming out of left field! The sermon hadn’t touched on that subject at all! It was weird! I remember breaking stride and thinking, “What’s that have to do with anything?” I sensed a little gentle throat clearing. “Laziness is a sin you know.” “Oh. Yeah it is, huh?” “Isn’t it time you started working on it?”
After the service ended, I told people about what God had showed me that day. I had even vowed to work on it, to strive to stop procrastinating. I haven’t really made much headway. So God, in His infinite wisdom, decided to use an orange to remind me where I stand. He even took it a step further. You see, most of the time, people put off things they don’t want to do. I procrastinate chores and honey-dos all the time. That’s what God showed me during the service. But what God showed me with the orange is this: I’m pretty lazy about things I kind of like as well.
For instance, I want to write. I’ve told people over and over again how much I would like to be a writer, how I’m full of all these great story ideas. I get inspired to write little essays like this one all the time, but I hardly ever follow through. Mostly, I give excuses like, “I don’t have a lot of time to write.” Or “I’m not really sure I know how to write” or “I’m not sure I’m that good of a writer” or “I don’t know really how to start.”
The truth is that I’m too lazy to give it a go most of the time. Which is crazy! I really do like to write. It’s actually the way I believe I express myself best. Talking to people just provides them an opportunity to interrupt, but with writing, I can just bombard them with as many words as I see fit. Doesn’t necessarily mean people read them all, but at least I can say all that I have to say.
Another area in which I often display my lazy streak is with the Lord. I love Him, you know? I do. I realize that without Jesus, I’m lost. I know He’s the only way I can be right with God. We have a relationship. I’m just not very good at maintaining my end of it. I want to get to know Him more. I want to enjoy His presence. But I don’t ever seem to make time for it. He showed me this reality with the orange.
I frequently make excuses for the lack of time I spend with Jesus. Prayer is one of the areas in which I have the least amount of discipline. I pray, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t start out my days with Him. I don’t spend a lot of quality time with Jesus. I read the Bible just about every day. But I don’t always talk to Him about what I’ve read. I don’t hang out with Him as much as I should. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying He requires we meet with Him daily. As if I have to fill a quota of Jesus time, or He won’t love me anymore, or that I’ll all the sudden lose the free gift He’s given me. Jesus is not an Indian-giver. His love doesn’t depend upon mine.
I’m beginning to see most of my excuses don’t really hold water. Especially when you hold them up to the Lord God Most High. They all look pretty flimsy when exposed in His light. And so I’m forced to examine this question. If I love Him, if I want to get to know Him more, why don’t I make time for Him? My wife has told me on a few occasions that if we truly love something, if we truly desire to do something, if something is truly important to us, we change our priorities for it. But I’m lazy, and I don’t always love Him enough to put forth the effort it takes to quit being so selfish.
I’m impatient. I want a relationship with God. I want to know Him better, but I don’t want to take the time to peel through the things in my life that get in the way. I just sit there sometimes wishing there was easier way to get to Him, to get to the meat. You know? Like I want my own personal peeler, so I can just sit back and enjoy the fruit of my labor, without the labor.
As I sit here and contemplate the oranges of my life, I’m reminded of a story. Ever heard the Parable of the Pearl of Great Price? It talks about this pearl merchant who goes around looking for beautiful pearls. When he finds one of great value, he sells everything he has to get it. Everything. Wow! Now, I’m not trying to compare an orange or my writing to the Kingdom of Heaven. There is no real comparison. But there’s a general principle involved I’ve been missing. And it is this: If something is of value to you, it’s worth sacrificing other things to have.
So I have to ask these questions. How much do I really like to eat oranges? How bad do I really want to write? Is an intimate relationship with my Lord worth enough to me that I would put more time and energy into deepening it? There are myriad of different questions I could ask about a dozen different scenarios in my life. When am I going to prove that these things are really important to me?By the way, I ate the orange that day. It may not have been a pearl, but it was pretty good. Didn’t even take me that long to peel. And look, I’ve written quite a bit today. I might even take the time to revise some. (I did.) Who knows? Maybe I’m starting a new trend. From an eternal perspective, I sure hope so.
Why? I mean that’s the question, isn’t it? As I said, it isn’t as if I dislike them. It’s often hard to beat the sticky sweetness of an orange. I love its flavor! The texture doesn’t bother me. I don’t even really mind how messy they can be. Man, I even love the way they smell. So why, if I’m so fond of oranges, am I so often reluctant to eat them?
Here’s the answer. I hate peeling them. No really, I do. Hate. It. Seems to me like it shouldn’t be so hard to unpack something you want to eat. So why do I hate to peel oranges? It takes so long. And it’s not like it’s easy to get a good peel going. Most of the time you have to take off piece by itty-bitty piece. And have you ever tried to eat one without peeling it? If not, don’t try. It’s disgusting. Ruins the whole experience.
Now, I know there are other fruits, such as the pineapple or the coconut, that are almost impossible to eat without the help of a very sharp object. I mean, there’s no way you could open one of them with just your fingers. (Although once, while watching Animal Planet, I saw a dog crack open a coconut with his teeth.) Sure, you can cut an orange into neat little sections with a knife, and eat the pulp off the rind. Like you would with a watermelon or a cantaloupe. It’s just not the same. Besides, I can’t get all the fruit when I eat it that way. Have you ever noticed that? You don’t get to enjoy the whole orange. No, God designed oranges to be peeled before eating. Probably so people like me can learn life lessons from it.
So you see now, right? I look at an orange, and though I would really love to eat one, it just seems like so much work. There have been times when I’ve been hungry, not “starving” hungry mind you, just “gee, I’d really like a snack right now” hungry, and have picked up an orange. I’d give it a once over, imagined how good it would taste, and then put it back down, choosing not to eat at all rather than put in the effort to skin a stupid orange.
How does this relate to my other everyday affairs? My struggle with the orange peeling process reveals an ugly character flaw that is evident in other areas of my life. I’m lazy. That’s the plain and simple truth. I’m not always lazy, and not even in everything that counts. But it’s true, nonetheless. To be honest, I’ve known this for quite awhile, but I didn’t fully understand how insidiously laziness had invaded my life until the other day.
I was on my lunch break. My lovely wife, whom God has so graciously provided me, had packed that morning a sandwich and an orange for me to eat. Finances have been a little tight, so that was it. Granted, this little meal would’ve been ample enough food to tide me over until dinnertime. After I finished my sandwich, I sat there for a moment looking at my orange, knowing I was still a little hungry. But I set the orange aside, hoping I’d be able to mooch food off of one of my co-workers later in the day, and began my ritualistic lunchtime Bible study.
God was nice. He let me read for a little bit before He convicted me. I even remember getting a little bit from what I’d read. Then, I started to think about that orange again. There it was, sitting on the table, looking oh so almost edible wrapped up in the package I seemed so determined not to free it from. “Why?” whispered a still small voice, “Why don’t you want to peel it? Don’t you want to eat it? Aren’t you still hungry?” So my conversation with God began.
Having you ever tried to argue something trivial with God? I don’t recommend it. He wins pretty much every time. It’s that sometimes irritating trait of His. You know, always being right. Because He is, you know? Always right. But I tried to show Him my logic anyway. “It just takes so long, you know,” I whined to Him in my head.
I said a few other things to Him, mostly what I’ve already pointed out to you. He wasn’t having it. He was patient, let me go through my spiel and everything. And then, in a very gentle, yet very firm way, He told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was being lazy. I could give as many reasons as I wanted. But essentially, that’s what it boiled down to. Do you know what else? It wasn’t the first time He’s told me this either.
A few months ago, I was enjoying a particularly good worship service when He decided to take me in a completely different direction. I mean I was having a good time, singing my heart out with my eyes closed and all of that. God picked that moment to remind me that procrastination is just another form of laziness. Talk about coming out of left field! The sermon hadn’t touched on that subject at all! It was weird! I remember breaking stride and thinking, “What’s that have to do with anything?” I sensed a little gentle throat clearing. “Laziness is a sin you know.” “Oh. Yeah it is, huh?” “Isn’t it time you started working on it?”
After the service ended, I told people about what God had showed me that day. I had even vowed to work on it, to strive to stop procrastinating. I haven’t really made much headway. So God, in His infinite wisdom, decided to use an orange to remind me where I stand. He even took it a step further. You see, most of the time, people put off things they don’t want to do. I procrastinate chores and honey-dos all the time. That’s what God showed me during the service. But what God showed me with the orange is this: I’m pretty lazy about things I kind of like as well.
For instance, I want to write. I’ve told people over and over again how much I would like to be a writer, how I’m full of all these great story ideas. I get inspired to write little essays like this one all the time, but I hardly ever follow through. Mostly, I give excuses like, “I don’t have a lot of time to write.” Or “I’m not really sure I know how to write” or “I’m not sure I’m that good of a writer” or “I don’t know really how to start.”
The truth is that I’m too lazy to give it a go most of the time. Which is crazy! I really do like to write. It’s actually the way I believe I express myself best. Talking to people just provides them an opportunity to interrupt, but with writing, I can just bombard them with as many words as I see fit. Doesn’t necessarily mean people read them all, but at least I can say all that I have to say.
Another area in which I often display my lazy streak is with the Lord. I love Him, you know? I do. I realize that without Jesus, I’m lost. I know He’s the only way I can be right with God. We have a relationship. I’m just not very good at maintaining my end of it. I want to get to know Him more. I want to enjoy His presence. But I don’t ever seem to make time for it. He showed me this reality with the orange.
I frequently make excuses for the lack of time I spend with Jesus. Prayer is one of the areas in which I have the least amount of discipline. I pray, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t start out my days with Him. I don’t spend a lot of quality time with Jesus. I read the Bible just about every day. But I don’t always talk to Him about what I’ve read. I don’t hang out with Him as much as I should. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying He requires we meet with Him daily. As if I have to fill a quota of Jesus time, or He won’t love me anymore, or that I’ll all the sudden lose the free gift He’s given me. Jesus is not an Indian-giver. His love doesn’t depend upon mine.
I’m beginning to see most of my excuses don’t really hold water. Especially when you hold them up to the Lord God Most High. They all look pretty flimsy when exposed in His light. And so I’m forced to examine this question. If I love Him, if I want to get to know Him more, why don’t I make time for Him? My wife has told me on a few occasions that if we truly love something, if we truly desire to do something, if something is truly important to us, we change our priorities for it. But I’m lazy, and I don’t always love Him enough to put forth the effort it takes to quit being so selfish.
I’m impatient. I want a relationship with God. I want to know Him better, but I don’t want to take the time to peel through the things in my life that get in the way. I just sit there sometimes wishing there was easier way to get to Him, to get to the meat. You know? Like I want my own personal peeler, so I can just sit back and enjoy the fruit of my labor, without the labor.
As I sit here and contemplate the oranges of my life, I’m reminded of a story. Ever heard the Parable of the Pearl of Great Price? It talks about this pearl merchant who goes around looking for beautiful pearls. When he finds one of great value, he sells everything he has to get it. Everything. Wow! Now, I’m not trying to compare an orange or my writing to the Kingdom of Heaven. There is no real comparison. But there’s a general principle involved I’ve been missing. And it is this: If something is of value to you, it’s worth sacrificing other things to have.
So I have to ask these questions. How much do I really like to eat oranges? How bad do I really want to write? Is an intimate relationship with my Lord worth enough to me that I would put more time and energy into deepening it? There are myriad of different questions I could ask about a dozen different scenarios in my life. When am I going to prove that these things are really important to me?By the way, I ate the orange that day. It may not have been a pearl, but it was pretty good. Didn’t even take me that long to peel. And look, I’ve written quite a bit today. I might even take the time to revise some. (I did.) Who knows? Maybe I’m starting a new trend. From an eternal perspective, I sure hope so.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Permanent Vacation
Today, I got to go play with my family at a local park. There is this Splash Pad located in this particular park. A Splash Pad is basically a place to play in the water, without having to get in a pool. It's actually quite fun.
That's not my point. I got to watch my son play today. He actually played this time! It was so much fun getting to watch him run over and over again through these water mist rings. They were about the only thing he felt comfortable playing in for any length of time.
Anyway, made me wish I didn't have to work. That I could just spend time with my family more. Unfortunately, that can't happen. Grrr. Oh well. That's life.
That's not my point. I got to watch my son play today. He actually played this time! It was so much fun getting to watch him run over and over again through these water mist rings. They were about the only thing he felt comfortable playing in for any length of time.
Anyway, made me wish I didn't have to work. That I could just spend time with my family more. Unfortunately, that can't happen. Grrr. Oh well. That's life.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
On Growing Up
So I am thirty-one as of yesterday. The first question my wife asked was: Do you feel older?
Not really, you know? Although she did find a couple of white hairs on my chest. And how does that make me feel? Truth be told, I don't know.
See, here's the thing. I complain a lot about getting older, but I still don't really feel like a grown-up. I should. I know that I should. And sometimes I guess I do. Depends, I suppose, who I am talking to. I do have a tendency to refer to people more than a couple of years younger to me as "kids." But I still don't feel like an adult. Why?
I bet if I were to get over that, to start feeling grown-up, I might actually start to act like one once in awhile. Sure would help me be a more effective leader in my home. I just don't know if I'm ready to cross that threshold all the way. I guess I figure once both feet on on the ADULT side of the door, there's no going back. Just call me Peter Pan, I guess.
Not really, you know? Although she did find a couple of white hairs on my chest. And how does that make me feel? Truth be told, I don't know.
See, here's the thing. I complain a lot about getting older, but I still don't really feel like a grown-up. I should. I know that I should. And sometimes I guess I do. Depends, I suppose, who I am talking to. I do have a tendency to refer to people more than a couple of years younger to me as "kids." But I still don't feel like an adult. Why?
I bet if I were to get over that, to start feeling grown-up, I might actually start to act like one once in awhile. Sure would help me be a more effective leader in my home. I just don't know if I'm ready to cross that threshold all the way. I guess I figure once both feet on on the ADULT side of the door, there's no going back. Just call me Peter Pan, I guess.
Monday, July 17, 2006
There are moments in life where you get to catch a glimpse of God's hand at work. We, my family and I, have recently been privy to one such occasion.
You know, I've been going through a season of doubt. Not necessarily faith destroying, going back to your old lifestyle kind of doubts, but just those little ones, that eat away at your joy.
I don't make a lot of money, if one gauges by American standards. In comparison to the majority of the world, I'm rich. In America, we make below the poverty line. What's that tell you about our society?
Anyway, as the man of the house, it's my responsibility to see to it that things get done. (Or so I thought.) We've had some issues come up, some unforeseen, some we should have been prepared for, that have drained us financially. There are things that need to be done that we just haven't had the money for.
Like our air conditioning breaking. They wanted $1,400 in cash up front to fix it. Who has that kind of money lying around? But God provided.
First, He provided through my co-workers, who bought us a window unit. We put that in our babies room on Thursday. On Friday, God provided two more window units. And then, on Saturday, we got a letter in the mail that had money with it. A lot of money.
And see, here I had been crying out to God, wondering how we were going to get all this stuff done. And He showed up. Will the money take care of everything? No. But it's a start. And He has proven, once again, that's He's faithful.
Plus, He's teaching me how to be a good steward of the money He does give us. I'm thankful for that.
There's a lot more I could say, but I'm just going to have to end right now on this.
God is good, all the time. He's always at work around us...even when we can't see what He's doing. Maybe now my eyes will be a little more open to the blessings He bestows.
You know, I've been going through a season of doubt. Not necessarily faith destroying, going back to your old lifestyle kind of doubts, but just those little ones, that eat away at your joy.
I don't make a lot of money, if one gauges by American standards. In comparison to the majority of the world, I'm rich. In America, we make below the poverty line. What's that tell you about our society?
Anyway, as the man of the house, it's my responsibility to see to it that things get done. (Or so I thought.) We've had some issues come up, some unforeseen, some we should have been prepared for, that have drained us financially. There are things that need to be done that we just haven't had the money for.
Like our air conditioning breaking. They wanted $1,400 in cash up front to fix it. Who has that kind of money lying around? But God provided.
First, He provided through my co-workers, who bought us a window unit. We put that in our babies room on Thursday. On Friday, God provided two more window units. And then, on Saturday, we got a letter in the mail that had money with it. A lot of money.
And see, here I had been crying out to God, wondering how we were going to get all this stuff done. And He showed up. Will the money take care of everything? No. But it's a start. And He has proven, once again, that's He's faithful.
Plus, He's teaching me how to be a good steward of the money He does give us. I'm thankful for that.
There's a lot more I could say, but I'm just going to have to end right now on this.
God is good, all the time. He's always at work around us...even when we can't see what He's doing. Maybe now my eyes will be a little more open to the blessings He bestows.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
God is good!
Let me just tell you...God is good. I mean, just last night I was bemoaning the unfairness of things, and now...He went and did something amazing. Okay, so I still don't have central heat and air, but my co-workers bought my family a window unit. With the help of a good friend, we got it installed this evening. And now at least my babies can sleep in a cooler room.
It was actually pretty cool how it happened. I didn't even see it coming. My boss came back to where I work, asked me to step outside for a moment. I thought I was in trouble! When I stepped outside, I saw that they had purchased me a little cooling unit, and a pool for my kids. It really touched me, you know? I was humbled and grateful all in one fell swoop.
God is good.
I just thought I'd let you know.
Let me just tell you...God is good. I mean, just last night I was bemoaning the unfairness of things, and now...He went and did something amazing. Okay, so I still don't have central heat and air, but my co-workers bought my family a window unit. With the help of a good friend, we got it installed this evening. And now at least my babies can sleep in a cooler room.
It was actually pretty cool how it happened. I didn't even see it coming. My boss came back to where I work, asked me to step outside for a moment. I thought I was in trouble! When I stepped outside, I saw that they had purchased me a little cooling unit, and a pool for my kids. It really touched me, you know? I was humbled and grateful all in one fell swoop.
God is good.
I just thought I'd let you know.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
And So It Begins...
I've attempted and aborted so many journals in my life, it's safe to say this one won't last long. Perhaps this is a passing fancy, perhaps not. What makes me think I've got anything worth while to say? Why should I take up any amount of space here in this cybervoid? Do I have anything to offer? Any insights to share?
These are questions I find myself asking as I attempt to begin. Maybe these questions will be answered. Maybe they won't. Maybe others will read it...maybe they won't. What form this blog shall take, I do not know. Will it be a spiritual journey? A blog listing my day to day events? Who knows? I can say that, with me, my day to day events are often tied up in the spiritual.
Like today. Our air conditioning is out. My truck won't start. And we've no money to spare to fix either one. So I sit here, sweating, staying up far too late because it's really too hot to sleep. And I'm wondering...what is God trying to teach me through this?
It's funny really, in it's own way. See, I'm the guy who gets to give folks "spiritual" advice. You know, like reminding folks that they should count it all joy when they encounter trials of all kinds. I tell my friend, who is constantly struggling with God, that he shouldn't be angry at God for not giving him what he wants. And here am I, out some modern conveniences, and I'm wondering what I did to deserve this. You know, like...am I being punished or something? Is God really trying to teach me some sort of perserverance, or is He showing me my blatant lack of faith?
Both?
I don't know. Something you should know. I ask lots of questions, and am often unable to answer them. If that sort of introspective writing strikes your fancy, well, then you've come to the right place. Sometimes, I get insights. Sometimes I just spin my wheels, having no clue about what's going on.
And this is my life. Here I will be honest, or at least as honest as I allow myself to be. Sometimes we even deceive ourselves. And you get to see me muddle through things. Isn't that exciting? Ha!
I welcome your insights, your encouragements, if you have any. If, by some small chance, something I say or am going through resonates with you, let me know. Maybe if I see that my posts are benefiting someone, I'll continue. Instead of worrying about wasting space.
Are you ready for the ride?
I've attempted and aborted so many journals in my life, it's safe to say this one won't last long. Perhaps this is a passing fancy, perhaps not. What makes me think I've got anything worth while to say? Why should I take up any amount of space here in this cybervoid? Do I have anything to offer? Any insights to share?
These are questions I find myself asking as I attempt to begin. Maybe these questions will be answered. Maybe they won't. Maybe others will read it...maybe they won't. What form this blog shall take, I do not know. Will it be a spiritual journey? A blog listing my day to day events? Who knows? I can say that, with me, my day to day events are often tied up in the spiritual.
Like today. Our air conditioning is out. My truck won't start. And we've no money to spare to fix either one. So I sit here, sweating, staying up far too late because it's really too hot to sleep. And I'm wondering...what is God trying to teach me through this?
It's funny really, in it's own way. See, I'm the guy who gets to give folks "spiritual" advice. You know, like reminding folks that they should count it all joy when they encounter trials of all kinds. I tell my friend, who is constantly struggling with God, that he shouldn't be angry at God for not giving him what he wants. And here am I, out some modern conveniences, and I'm wondering what I did to deserve this. You know, like...am I being punished or something? Is God really trying to teach me some sort of perserverance, or is He showing me my blatant lack of faith?
Both?
I don't know. Something you should know. I ask lots of questions, and am often unable to answer them. If that sort of introspective writing strikes your fancy, well, then you've come to the right place. Sometimes, I get insights. Sometimes I just spin my wheels, having no clue about what's going on.
And this is my life. Here I will be honest, or at least as honest as I allow myself to be. Sometimes we even deceive ourselves. And you get to see me muddle through things. Isn't that exciting? Ha!
I welcome your insights, your encouragements, if you have any. If, by some small chance, something I say or am going through resonates with you, let me know. Maybe if I see that my posts are benefiting someone, I'll continue. Instead of worrying about wasting space.
Are you ready for the ride?
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